Pyxis' wild and un-tamed hair was beginning to become a nuisance to her, however she could not be bothered doing anything other than running a brush through it quickly. She pulled on her favourite, green beanie, slipped her feet into sneakers and with a sigh she exited her room into the Professor's lounge. Once there, she saw a group of idly chatting professor's, one of which was the Headmistress herself. Pyxis wasn't in the mood to socialise, she hadn't been very sociable over the past few years anyway.

She turned and exited the room, her footsteps echoing throughout the empty corridor as she made her way down it. Curiosity bested her, and she swiftly moved down the staircases to the dungeons, where there was that familiar portrait of Salazar Slytherin that she could enter the common room through. Her fingers trailed lightly over the wall as both good and bad memories called to her from within, but she summoned her willpower, turned and walked away.

Pyxis left the castle at a slow pace, her head bowed as she watched her feet whilst she descended the hill. The cool air whipped against her, making her glad that she had worn her brown, leather coat instead of a jumper. The Black Lake looked as it always did, magnificent. The gentle ripples across the surface also brought back memories, of her and Parker. Her eyes welled up with tears and she took a seat by the waters edge, remembering that time she'd saved him from the Grindylow. When they'd parted in the common room, she'd told herself she'd never forget that night, and Pyxis always tried to stick to her promises.

Parker had been settling into his office and personal quarters, sorting and unpacking. Remembering all the times unpacking and packing through his years at school. He sighed, tracing his fingers over the old wood trunk from his school days. He looked down at his worn, white buttonup shirt, and his pants tucked into his boots. He figured that as a professional he really should invest in some proper robes. Perhaps he would ask the head mistress for an advanced pay so that he could. Though, maybe before asking, he could get a bit of early work done and refill the stocks for next year.

Preferring to brew his own potions, he figured he should take a trip down to the dungeons and to the potions room. Establishing a good relation to the potions master certainly wouldn't hurt, then he wouldn't have to go out and buy ingredients he couldn't afford. He grabbed his heavy, too big coat and made his way to the dungeons, feeling a familiar tightening in his chest as memories came flooding back. He remembered with a nearly painful pang about the last day of school. The emotional turmoil he was feeling, him leaving the common room in nearly a fit, sitting purposefully alone on the train ride back, and disappearing the moment he got to the station. He hadn't even returned to his mother's home as he already had everything packed.

No one answered the door so he figured the potions master was out. He quickly left the dungeons, his breath quick and his mind racing with thoughts that taking the job was a bad idea. He shoved his hands into his coat pockets, walking out the doors of the castle for a needed fresh breath. He took a sharp breath as a sudden chill came over him. His legs aching, he began to walk, finding himself drawn to the damned lake. He kept his head down, trying to keep repressed old memories, kicking at the dirt as he walked. He stopped at the edge of the lake. He looked out across the mirror-like surface of the lake. His eyes then drifted along the shore of the lake, noticing a person at the far other side. He watched her for a few long moments, then looked back down to the water.

The on-slaught of memories from that night were now beginning to bring other memories, ones that made her chest tighten and tears well up in her eyes. There was one, where she was laughing with Parker, one where she was yelling at him, one where she tugged him along excitedly to show him something. All those times, he was just the sweet, innocent boy she remembered. She couldn't comprehend why he'd done this to her. She drew her knees up to her chest and buried her head on them.

Pyxis' mind kept playing those memories in her head. By then, it had reached one in particular. It was Parker, she'd exited her dorm to see him half-run from the common room, and once she'd managed to catch up he then vanished within the crowd. She searched the entire train for him, and somehow she couldn't find him. It had frustrated her to no end, and so she'd sent him an owl. But she'd never received any back. In fact, she'd never seen hide nor hair of him since that day, let alone had actually any contact with him. She almost cried again, like she had every single year on New Year's, because she was completely alone.

She blamed it all on him. It was all his fault that she had no one, that she'd pushed away a guy she could have loved. She was now 26 with nothing, just this job. She lifted her head so that her chin was resting on her knees, and she watched the Black Lake. She couldn't - how could he do this to her? She remembered that day, when she'd saved him. She could've just as easily let him drown, but she didn't. And she'd vowed to be his best friend, and look where that had got her! She was alone. He'd abandoned her, and it was all she could think about. He didn't care enough to stay. That was when she noticed someone, a male. He looked vaguely familiar, and when he looked at her she waved.

As he looked over the water he couldn't help but have memories resurface. As the ripples in the water disturbed the reflection of the sky he recalled all the nights he spent out here when he was younger; that first night always flashing in his mind. Even into his seventh year he found he came to the lake when upset, never able to put his finger onto why. Because of what happened a sort of power full connection had been made between Pxyis, him, and the lake which made his downward emotional spiral and disappearance all the more difficult. He didn't want to imagine what it did to her and he knew he could never forgive himself. He knew it was for the best and he knew that now he needed to just move on.

Parker took a deep, cold breath, recalling the events which led up to his decision to leave. He felt such negativity towards himself and he'd just been pushed over the edge with the added stress of being an adult. His escapes to the lake only made things worse and he finally decided to just isolate himself so he didn't take his frustrations out. That last year, he felt he was closing in worse than how he was in first year. He knew it was terrible and cold to just abandon Pxyis and his other friends like he did, but he knew he needed to. He was better off alone, he didn't feel he deserved anything more.Though years after, with his training coming to an end, he saw an opening for the Healer position at Hogwarts. It was where he had started his training and it only felt right to finish it there, even if he knew it would be difficult to return. While there were many bad memories, he knew there had to be good ones, even if they hurt to think about since they mostly revolved around the person he'd so terribly betrayed.

He waited a long moment where he stood when the familiar woman had waved at him. He figured he must have seen her somewhere before. He guessed she'd gone there too at around his year. After a sort of internal struggle about deciding if he should actually reach out and talk to her, he finally took a step. Walking along the shore, he slowly walked his way over, glancing between her and his worn, dirty shoes. Maybe coming back and finally moving on would be good for him, like a sort of rebirth he supposed. Maybe he could do things right this time.

Pyxis gasped as her chest tightened once more. It hurt too much, as she remembered watching Parker. Just sitting there, watching him as he stood by the lake too lost in his thoughts to notice her presence. She felt more tears well in her eyes, threatining to spill and she blinked once to rid herself of them. She hated him so much, with every fibre of her being. It made her burn with rage. How could he just abandon her like that, when she needed him? When she'd loved him? How could Haley do that to her, as well? Pyxis wondered if there was something wrong with her, for both Haley and Parker had vanished and never told her where they'd gone.

She wondered if he left the country. She doubted that, but figured he just moved away because he was sick of her. She pouted and wiped at a tear that slid down her cheek. She could understand why he'd tire of her over the years, for she was emotional, annoying, easily angered and had often yelled at him and never cared to inform him as to why she was so mad at him. Her mind told her to stop being so understanding, and so she did. The hatred burned through her again, but it stopped abruptly as she let out a frustrated sigh. She wished she could go back to those days, and change herself. Maybe stop being so emotional, then everything would've been alright. The memory came back once more. She was standing a little ways off from him, hidden from his view by a collection of bushes and trees. He'd just stood there, un-moving for ages, before he turned and left. She called out to him, but he didn't seem to notice her presence.

Or he did, and he was just ignoring her. She looked up as this man began to approach her, and decided it was time to make a new friend. She couldn't keep holding onto the pathetic hope that maybe, just maybe, Parker would come back. That she'd be able to hold him once again, and this time she'd never let him go. Stop that, you hate him, idiot! She angrily reminded herself. She looked up once more as the newbie was almost within speaking distance, and she gasped, her eyes flashing with many different emotions, shock, anger, confusion, adoration, confusion, love, hatred, confusion. Disbelief.

As Parker walked along the shore, walking a little further away from it when the water lapped up, and back down again when it pulled back slightly. In his slight weaving motion, his walking looked unsteady. And really, it was. He felt himself trembling for some reason, not particularly cold, so he chalked it up to his stress. The other trainees would often joke about getting old young in their profession, and Parker half joked to himself that at this rate he was half way in the grave. He shook his head at such morbid a though.

He glanced sideways as the water, remembering how he'd spent so many hours just sitting still by the water, trying to block everything else out with silencing charms and whatever else he could think of to keep himself in his little bubble. As if his little world by the lake in the night time really was cut off from everything else. As first it was a sense of comfort, but then morphed into a crushing claustrophobic feeling. The fact that he'd cut Pxyis off from that word back then was crushing. The fact that he cut her off from everything like he was was crushing. An while he'd had enough distractions in training not to think about the past, with time to actually think now he couldn't escape it. It was all around him and may one day just suffocate him.

He approached closer, keeping his eyes down. He stood beside her silently, as he felt her magic seem to react to his standing here.Maybe he should have just stayed where he was, but she seemed upset from what he could tell. Maybe he could help, maybe he could do things right now. He cleared his throat. "Are you oka-" he cut off when he had finally looked up at the woman's face. It wasn't just any woman's face though.

To say that Pyxis was completely and utterly bewildered would be an understatement. It seemed as if time became still as she stared at him. She couldn't believe it, after all he'd done to her, after how long she'd looked for him, after countless hours of wishing he would return, he had. It couldn't be anyone else, for though he had matured he still looked much the same. His words seemed to slowly drift through the air, the un-finished sentence. It only confirmed that it was him, the fact that he had stopped speaking at the sight of her.

Different scenario's played out in her head, many different ways she could react. The one that her mind urged her to was to stand up and punch him in the face, then demand an explanation as to why he'd abandoned her. Especially in that final year, when so much had happened and she'd needed him. And he hadn't been there, though she'd always waited, hoping that he would confide in her as to what had taken over the Parker she knew. She liked that idea, but she wasn't sure if it was a very good one.

Her heart, however, told her to leap up and pull him towards her, envelope him in a giant hug and cry. She almost snorted with laughter at how dramatic her heart made everything. She also liked that idea, but it wasn't good either. So, deciding to make up her own she hesitantly stood. She hadn't planned very far, so once she was standing she just stared at him blankly. That was when the hatred took over. It filled her again. Everything he'd done to her, how he'd ruined 9 years of her life by vanishing, it made her want to strangle him. And so she did. She lunged forwards, wrapped her hands around his throat and squeezed with a growl of rage.

Parker felt his breath leave him when he immediately recognized her, there was no doubt in his mind it was Pxyis. His mouth was still slightly opened, stopped in the middle of his question. He felt himself flood with emotions, the most prominent being panic. It was something he felt every time he thought he'd come across someone he knew from school. Guilt was coupled with that panic. Guilt for acting like such a selfish idiot his last year, and for leaving her and everyone else like he did with no word. The panic was over what her reaction would be. She looked absolutely floored, and he knew she was unpredictable.

He made a sound in his throat, in attempts to make other words come out of his throat. It didn't work though so he closed his mouth, watching her stand and staring back at her unsure. He was sorry, that was definitely one thing he wanted to say... another being that he missed her, or a million other things that came to mind. But he just stared back dumbstruck. Never in a million years did it occur to him that she would come back to this place. She was too much a free spirit in his mind to allow herself to stay tied down to this place into adult hood as well.

He watched as something changed in her eyes and instinctively he took a step back. At the first signs of her lunging he'd thought she was going to hug him. But the look in her eyes didn't match, and such a reunion would be just too easy, too idealistic. Moments later he staggered back, feeling a heavy pressure on his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, a surprised and cut off sound coming from his throat. He firmly gripped into her shoulders, probably hard enough to bruise as he violently tried to shove himself away, with a gasp.

Pyxis instantly regretted it the moment her hands went around his neck, but she couldn't stop herself. She felt panic run through her as she tried to release him. She didn't want to strangle him, she wanted to... She didn't exactly know what she wanted to do to him. She knew that she couldn't inflict 9 years of pain, suffering and loneliness on him, so she would tell him. She would make him realise how much he'd hurt her.

She felt his hands dig into her shoulders, and she was surprised. It made her release his neck and stumble backwards. She hadn't expected him to gain such strength, and she let out a whimper as tears silently poured down her cheeks. Her shoulders ached with the pressure. It only made her sadder/angrier, for know he'd physically hurt her as well. Sure, it'd been defensive but that didn't make her resolve soften.

"You!" She screamed. Her voice ripped through the still air, breaking it and making the air feel tight. Her chest constricted, and she was struggling to breathe as she shakily raised her hand and pointed it at him. "What the hell are you doing here? Where have you - what have you - why - I - ARGH!" She couldn't find the right words to ask. She really just wanted to see him suffer. "I can't believe you." She gasped out, clutching at her chest as she tried to force air in and out.

As Pxyis released, he staggered away from her from the force of his shove, gasping and coughing, bringing his hands up to his neck, and kneeling over a bit. Catching those breaths, a jarring pain was still in his throat, and he kept his hands up and cradling his own neck. What the hell had just happened?

He concentrated the magic in his hands, to stop the pain from whatever she'd pressed hard enough. He began to heal the bruising on his trachea, the most acute of the pain going away. His head snapped over to look at her as she screamed, his still sore neck kinking. He opened his mouth as she yelled incoherently, and coughed lighter than before when he tried to speak.

He took another step away, yelling back, his voice very slightly raspy as the redness around his neck began to fade, "And what the bloody hell was that!!? Are you mad?!", his voice cracked. He had no clue what to even say more then that. What could he say? Nothing that would make this situation even remotely better.

He was in utter shock, and all the confusion and anger he'd been feeling bubbled it's way up to the surface at the sudden attack and he immediately tried to push it back down again. He hated it, and he hated how he had just yelled and probably hurt her. No, he most definitely did. In such terribly a was she thought it suitable to choke him of all things. He wanted to just yell and run off, repack everything he'd just unpacked and disappear again. He couldn't deal with this. He was weak and simply could not. He didn't deserve to be here, he didn't deserve to ever see her again. But he found he couldn't move from the area he was standing. He stared at her wide-eyed in disbelief, taking the whole bizarre situation in.

Pyxis watched with confused eyes as he wrapped his hands around his own neck, and she wondered what the hell he was doing. Soon after this thought, she decided she didn't give a damn. Her rage made her face flush red as her entire bottled up feelings from the past 9 years, 10 if you included their seventh year at school, rose to the surface and she could find no words to express this feeling. It was a mixture of every possible feeling she'd ever known mixed together and forced into a ball of... emotion!

She balled her fists at her side, her eyes blazing as un-beknownst to her tears fell down her cheeks. How dare he yell at her, after all he'd put her through! She squashed the urge to step forwards and punch him as hard as he could. It wouldn't achieve anything, she told herself. Not a single, darn thing. But it would make her feel better. She lifted her balled fist, but lowered it once more. She couldn't do it. Instead, she tried to morph her rage into words.

"How dare you! Yes, yes I am mad, Parker! You think that you can just vanish for 9 years, come back and see the old Pyxis? She's dead, Parker! She doesn't exist!" She screeched, stomping her foot. The words wanted to just pour from her, but she managed to restrain them and make sense of each individual one. "You can't do this!" She yelled, even though it wasn't as if he knew she would be here. "I waited 9 years - you can't just come back - it's not fair!" She gasped, feeling weaker than she ever had.

Then there was the self-loathing. Because even as she looked at his face, that face that had been her main reason for living, for going through the days, that face that had ruined her life, those eyes that had haunted her dreams, she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter and thud loudly in her ears. Damn you, Parker, she snarled to herself.

Parker moved his hands away from his neck once he'd healed it enough, though it still hurt to swallow, she certainly had a grip, but that shouldn't be any surprise considering how she dragged him around all the time in school. He ran both hands through his hair, all the old frustrations and emotions that he thought he buried long ago resurfaced as if no time had passed. There was no definite name for what he was feeling other then a cluster of negativity directed towards himself as he recalled things he could never fix nor forgive himself for. Everything seemed so futile and he hated it. He hated who he'd become. He hated what his life had turned into, and hated that he did what he did.

Seeing the tears stream down her face unrestrained, he felt as if he'd been stabbed in the chest, by himself that is because he was the one that caused it. It hurt so much to know think how badly he hurt her. He closed his eyes tight and rubbed them with the back of his hand. His thoughts were a raging, confused river; none of his words would come together coherently to express all the things he wanted to tell her. But there was nothing that could make any of the pain she felt right, at least that's what he felt. As much as he try to forget the pain of the past couldn't be erased and he wondered if he should have gone though with a risky self- obliviation. He'd certainly obsessed about it that first year after he disappeared. He wanted to escape it, he wanted to be able to move on from the mistakes he make, but it seemed the world was against him.

He lowered his hands, "You- you're crazy! You just choked me!" He really hadn't meant that to be the first thing he said but it was the only words that would come together to form a complete thought. He then groaned, letting out a held breath as he felt another pain in his chest. He didn't want to do the wrong thing, do another thing he would regret for years to come. He'd worked hard and long enough to keep his cool these past years, and it was all unraveling to his school boy mentality of instability and loss of control. He lowered his head as she continued to scream at him, and he felt something inside him break even more.

"What do you want, then?! What do you want me to do, to say?? Look, I know I'm a terrible disgusting person! I've known this ten, eleven years now!" His voice cracked again and his face looked pained. He couldn't even look her in the eye he felt so ashamed. "And why on earth are you here?? You- you weren't supposed to....this wasn't supposed to happen..." He trailed off, then gasping for a breath he couldn't quite catch. He'd made another terrible mistake in coming back here. It was so painful to be reminded of all the pain and the mistakes he'd made, and the people he'd hurt. She didn't deserve this, not at all. He glanced at her, then around them. "This was a mistake. I'm so sorry..." He knew it didn't mean anything to her, nothing could fix it. He groaned again and turned away from her.

Pyxis growled as once again, he referred to her as not right in the head. If only he knew how messed up she was. He couldn't possibly understand how many days and nights she'd looked for him. She'd obsessed over finding him, but she couldn't. She sent countless owls off, but her owl would return with the letter after not being able to locate him. She wondered if he'd gone back to Ireland, moved home and never told her. The younger Pyxis had been heart-broken, emotionally wrecked, and she'd thought there was something wrong with herself. Something that made her loose her best friend, the man she'd fallen in love with over the years. She'd cried herself to sleep, and she'd had no one to turn too, as Haley had also disappeared.

"I am crazy you idiot!" She yelled back, her face bright red by now. The air was getting even harder to breathe, and soon she was choking and spluttering whilst she tried to suck it in. It was so hard, how could he ever understand what she'd gone through. Heck, she didn't even know why he'd left! He'd distanced himself over their seventh year, and then he'd gone and she couldn't understand why! "You left me, no note, nothing! No, 'Bye Pyxis, im going now', no explanation, no - there was nothing! You just ran away, and I didn't know why!" She suddenly tasted saltiness on her lips, and when she wiped at her eyes she found they were wet.

Pyxis knew what she wanted him to say. She wanted to know where he'd gone, why he'd gone, where he'd been, why he never told her. She wanted to know why he hated her. She was surprised when he said he was a disgusting person, and now she was so confused she thought her head might just explode if she received anymore un-resolved information. She snarled as he said that she wasn't supposed to be here. Was she not allowed to be here? Did he want her to leave? Did he think that she would just vanish too? "What? What do you mean im not meant to be here? Damnit, Parker, I can be wherever I want!" She snapped back, stomping her foot once more. She'd never been so angry in her life.

Pyxis watched as he turned away from her, and she would not have it. She was too angry to care if he was sad, or depressed, or whatever emotion that he could possibly be feeling. He owed her an explanation, and she was going to get it. She took a moment to focus on calming herself, and slowly she reached out a hand and tugged him back around to face her, using all of her strength. She didn't care if it hurt him, he was lucky she didn't just hex him and beat him up while he was down. "Where- why - what," she stopped herself. And then, a questione escaped her before she could even register what she was saying. "Why do you hate me?"

Parker flinched back a bit when she yelled that she was crazy. He hadn't meant it like that to insult her. He has just so startled when she lunged at him like all too many not so sane patients had during his training. He groaned when she complained about him not saying good bye, and he rubbed his hands over his face. "You don't understand, no one does! I-I couldn't, it would make everything so much damn harder then it already was!" He felt a frustrated sob wanting to escape his throat but he wouldn't let it.

Back then he knew that if he told her he thought it would be best if they never spoke or saw each other again, he'd definitely not get an understanding pat on the back. He could hardly make sense of exactly why he felt he needed to leave to himself, let alone try to voice it out loud. Throughout the second half of seventh year he'd tried to write out why so he could explain to her, but it didn't work. He knew she'd get upset and if he saw that, he knew he might have backed out and made things terrible for everyone.

"No! No- you....you were supposed to-to move on, damnit!" He felt so tense, remembering hours of laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, playing out in his mind what the rest of his life was supposed to be. Some times he'd wonder what her life would be like. She'd grow up, move on but never forgive him. Marry, maybe have child and raise her the way she wished she had been. He'd always be in the back of her mind though because of how terribly he had treated her and ignored her and everyone else those final years. Parker the coward, running away and trying to leave everything behind. This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. Nothing ever went the way he thought.

When he was turned away from her, a moment later he was jarred back to look at her, his neck twinged with pain and he was tense all over. He looked down at her sadly, actually noticing how much taller he was than her for the first time. She fumbled over her words, unable to get a grasp on them much like he couldn't. He looked at her in disbelief when she asked why he hated her. "Y-you? Hate you? Pxyis....this- my leaving never had anything to do with you! You didn't do anything. I hate someone, but it's not, and never was, you."

Pyxis couldn't help but soften slightly. Her curiosity gripped her, and more tears trailed down her face, a mixture of confusion, sadness and anger. She didn't understand. She had no idea what had happened, and he'd never told her. She let out a sob as she yanked at her wild hair and almost screamed in frustration. She felt as if it were her fault, if she'd only pressed more and forced it out of him, he might've stayed. Her eyes glazed over as she pictured it, her hand in his as she rested her head on his shoulder and watched their children playing. She shook her head and sighed. "Coward." She snarled. She didn't mean to say that at all, and she tried to protest but her eyes only widened in horror at her words.

Pyxis frowned as he said that she was supposed to move on. She couldn't envision it, it wasn't possible. Countless times, she'd pushed people away, kept them at arms length. She didn't want the pain, she didn't want to deal with it again. The pain of loosing Parker had burned too much, and she never wanted to suffer again. She was already suffering, and any more would've driven her over-board. How could she move on? He was her world, his beautiful, sparkling eyes were the only thing that had kept her going through the days without him. Just the thought of them. She huffed, she could never move on.

Never. He was her best friend, her first love, her source of comfort, he was everything. The only person who had ever been close to her other than him was Haley, and she too had vanished. They weren't even that close, but she'd lost her source of comfort. She thought if un-fair. What was his plan, leave, wait 9 years so that she'd move on, then come back and uproot her life? That was his plan? She shook her head, resisting the urge to grab his hand. "I could never move on, Parker... I- I..." She stopped. She dare not utter the words.

Pyxis now noticed just how tall he was. She hadn't grown all that much, but where he had originally been smaller than her, he now towered over her. She could feel her neck ache as she looked up at him, and it made her want to giggle at how weird this was, but that positive emotion vanished rather quickly. She wondered who he hated, why he hated them. She wanted to know what had happened. In the slowest movement she could muster, she reached her hand out and slipped it into his own. It hurt, not physically but mentally. The feeling was so familiar, yet so distant and she could feel more tears pouring. This simple gesture broke her, and she knew that if he left her once more she wouldn't continue living. "Why? Why'd you leave me, Parker? I thought it was something I did, Haley left too. Did you even think about what you were doing to me, Parker? You meant everything to me, and then you just left and I was alone with no one! Not a single person! Why'd you do it? And it wasn't just then, all of seventh year. I needed you, you know I don't cope well with stress, and I barely talked to you the whole year! Every time I did, you just said a few words then walked away. Damnit Parker if you don't tell me right now im going to hit you!" She hissed.

His chest ached more as she continued to cry, there was nothing he could do to comfort her, it seemed to him he could only ever make things worse with her. If he had told her all those years ago he knew it would have ruined things far worse then him just leaving would. In his mind, he never even imagined himself coming back to Hogwarts. He pictured himself still living in his apartment, still traveling between just there and the Hospital, like he had the past nine years. He may make some friends to try to cover over the pain, never imagining himself to go out to enjoy himself like other young adults. He could possibly seeing himself becoming absolutley absorbed in his work, doing as much right there as he could, maybe even develop a cure to something.He even went so far to think he'd die doing his work. Not too young, not to old, maybe his heart would just finally give up. It was a cowards life, Pyxis even knew it. He cringed slightly when she said it, it sounding strange coming from someone other than himself. He shut his eyes tight, lowering his head. "I know" was all he could choke out.

Sometimes his thought out future would change, nearly coming derailed in his mind every time he thought he'd come across an old friend from school. Sometimes he swore he saw them come into the hospital, if they had they all seemed to be doing so well, with good jobs and families and actually living. He, on the other hand, was so stuck. He tried distracting himself in his work, thinking sometimes that he'd finally accepted and moved on. But when given time to actually think about things it wasn't the case, and now that he wasn't in the busy hospital, he seemed to have all the time in the world to dwell in the past. Figuratively and literally now.

He sighed, his head still lowered. There was no way to move on now. As upset as he was, with Pyxis standing there and them being by the lake it had seemed as it no time had passed. His past was all around him, it was Hogwarts; it was Pyxis, standing right in front of him. Hogwarts was where he discovered who he was and wanted to be, and Pyxis was the strongest of few friends he had. But he had also become so lost and confused, and hurt her so terribly. Pained, he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair when Pyxis spoke and trailed off. He had wanted so much for her not to be stuck like him, he never wanted her to suffer so much. "No...no, Pyxis you're stronger then that though! You-you're stronger then me!"

He took in a sharp breath, still unable to bring himself to look at her. He stared down at their feet as an empty feeling filled his gut. He watched as her hand very slowly reached for and took his own. He didn't do anything at first, half expecting her to realize she made some automatic mistake. They had always held hands to comfort each other and themselves, even if it seemed silly to him that they'd done it even as they got so much older. Even though it had been a comfort, it only made everything hurt more at that moment. It took everything in him to grip back lightly as he bit his lip, listening to her. "No. You never did anything and I am so, so sorry I made you think that. It wasn't you at all, it was me." He stumbled over his words a few times before catching his breath again to speak, "I hurt too, never did it cross my mind this would be easy on anyone! I just had the hope you'd hate me and move on...I hate that I hurt you, I-I just...I don't know what to say. I just can't explain-"

He then raised his other hand to his face, wiping it with the back of his sleeve. He looked up at her, and slowly took his hand from hers. "Hit me then."

Pyxis felt guilt consume her. He must have a very good and valid reason for doing this, even though she knew he'd never really been as brave as a lion. However, she didn't think him cowardly enough to run away for no particular reason. She wanted to hug him, tell him that it was alright and she'd always be there for him. But she couldn't. She wouldn't make herself do that, because she wasn't sure if she would be able to cope with it. So many years she'd dreamed of this day, when she'd see him again, and it was nothing like she expected. "No, no I didn't - that's not what I meant to say!" She gasped, shaking her head vigorously.

His eyes were filled with deep thoughts, thoughts that she was not allowed to hear. She could remember times when he'd tell her everything, and she'd tell him as well. Where they had few secrets between one another, because they trusted each other so easily. She didn't know if he would ever tell her a secret again, he'd changed so much. She could hear the old Parker within his voice, but it was masked by this different one. One that she didn't know. She wanted to know him, she wanted her Parker back, but she didn't know how to reach him. How to get him back.

Pyxis laughed softly as he said that she stronger than this. She used to think so too, she used to think she was strong. Brave, strong, whatever you wanted to call it. She never thought she'd be so weak, so lost without him. Perhaps she could've moved on, could've been stronger if she hadn't fallen for him. But she had, and there was nothing that could change that. Not even another man, for she'd seen countless of those and none of them could hold her interest. She'd shut herself off from the world, become quiet and distant. It was strange to think that she'd become this person. "No, Parker... im not. I used to think i'd get over it, i'd find some man and he'd change everything and i'd forget about you eventually, but I couldn't. Oh, they all tried but I wasn't interested." She sighed.

She almost smiled as his hand tightened around hers lightly. She shut her eyes for a moment, lodging the feeling away in her brain so she'd never forget it. She felt weak, pathetic, and she didn't care anymore. She didn't care if he thought she was some sad girl who wouldn't move on, because that was who she was. Her eyes opened once more as he began to speak. "That's what they always say. Its not you, its me," she mumbled, more to herself than to him. "You knew it would hurt me, or did you think I was invincible? Damnit you never noticed at all!" She growled. "What do you mean you can't explain? You really have changed! It's all different, it'll never be the same, never," she was speaking to herself now, telling herself the truth. She wished it wasn't the truth. "You left and now its all different."

Hurt flashed through her as he dropped her hand, and she looked at him with wide eyes for a moment, confused. Then she remembered what she'd said, and she lifted her hand up. She made a move to slap him, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she rested her hand on the side of his face briefly before it dropped to her side and she stepped back, away from him. "No."

Parker shook his head as she did. "No, no, you do. It's true, I've known that for so long now." He'd known it since his younger years, denying any strength he had whenever any of his friends tried to say he wasn't as bad as he thought he was. He realized he'd not had such a conversation with anyone like this in years, not since school with her. He remembered all those times they just sat around and talked. He remembered when he wore his heart on his sleeve and didn't keep any secrets, especially not from her. Even if he tried he was easy to read and she'd be able to tell what he was keeping anyways. But things had changed. He had changed himself. He felt he could hardly even trust himself, and the person he was was so far gone.

Parker once again felt a twinge in himself at her laugh. She didn't believe it, not at all. But she was supposed to, there were all these thing he had built up in his mind that were supposed to be, because it just made everything so much easier. To convince himself that everyone else was just fine off without him, living ideal lives, helped to get him through the days. But that was all coming unwound, he couldn't keep lying to himself much longer now that he was faced with this. She wasn't alright, quite a few of the people he knew back at school were not alright if not dead. He groaned quietly, "You should have though- you'd be so much better off-"

"But it is me! This has always been all my fault-" He took in a sharp breath through his teeth, a feeling of frustration coming up. "I-I knew it would- and of course I noticed! I was so disgustingly selfish though, I cared but I couldn't bring myself to do anything but it would make everything so much harder for myself!" He let out his breath, feeling much of his energy go with it. "Of course it's all changed! That was the point of it all! But of course it always has to change for the worse, of course nothing ever goes well, why on Earth would it? Life is unfair and nothing ever works out!" He wished though that things had just gone better for her, she didn't deserve to be dragged down by and because of him.

He closed his eyes and turned his face a bit when he hand gently rested against his face. When it dropped away, the sob held up in his throat released. "No??" He opened his eyes, looking right at her. "No, don't do this- hit me! Be angry at me! Hate me!! Don't make this so much harder!" he pleaded, his voice raising slightly louder again.

Pyxis let out a huff of frustration, not sure how to respond to him. She hated that he'd left. She hated that he thought that of himself, she knew that he always had. He'd constantly told her so, but she never said it was true. Even though it was, most of the time. She was sure that if he had to, he would most definitely protect someone but he wasn't really that confident or brave. "It's not true. It's not. You were scared, Parker. Scared about something. I know you, I know the real you, Parker." She whispered.

Pyxis was confused and annoyed beyond belief. Why couldn't he just tell her! She could help him, she could fix it. She knew she could, and she wouldn't stop trying until she did. She'd help him until the day he died, if he'd only tell her what it was. Her head began to ache, this was all so much. She was getting frustrated, and she needed to know. She had to help him, he was still her best friend whether he liked it or not. "I can help you," she said brokenly. "Please, just tell me what it is. You're- you're my best friend." She mumbled.

Pyxis chest ached as she heard him sob, and her body craved for her to hug him and tell him it was alright, that everything would be fine. Like she'd always done. She flinched as he begged her to hate him, to hit him, to be angry at him. She smiled weakly with another shake of her head. She grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them tightly as more tears fell. After a moment, she released both his hands and struggled to find the right words. "I couldn't. I know I hurt you at first, but I was so angry. I never hated you, no matter how hard I tried too. It just wasn't possible. Im not trying to make this hard, I just don't want to lie." Her body felt weary as she sat back down on the ground and stared out at the lake. "Im so tired, Parker." She said, her voice layered with double meaning. "Im tired of life."

"Of course it's true- and you even just said I've changed, Pyxis. I-I don't even know who I am anymore, I almost don't think I ever did know..." Maybe that was a way to explain some of the reason he felt he needed to leave. Some major identity crisis. It was true he never felt like he quite fit in, even though he was told many times he was in slytherin for a reason. Sure ambition, and apparently self-preservation, but in every other sense he was nothing like the others. He never had money, he never had the opportunities, he didn't have to bloodstatus, or age old traditions.

He often felt like he was in a world of his own, one that Pyxis couldn't even understand because it was one he hardly understood. "But that's the problem! I don't know hm
ow to explain it to you! " He felt hopelessness flow through him. And he went from looking down to looking up at the mostly cleared sky, his hands limp at his sides for a moment before he looked back out to the lake. "I hardly understand it myself-"he nearly whispered.

He linked his fingers behind his neck as he looked down, then back at her yet again after seeing her light smile. He lowered them back to his sides with a sigh as she took both tightly, him hardly squeezing back.. He didn't deserve her to be so understanding and seemingly forgiving . He should have been shunned the way she felt she'd been all those years ago. He let her hands slip from his as she sat down, and he felt an overwhelming weariness in himself as well. He looked down at her as she looked across the lake, taking in the very subtle changes of her face from the last time he'd seen her. His eyes shut when she said she was just so tired of everything. "I need to go back to the castle- I can't- can we finish talking later? I need time to think-" before waiting for a reply he steped back and turned around.

Pyxis sighed as he said that he 'never did'. She'd felt this throughout their entire sixth year, and he'd even voiced this concern that he didn't fit in on a few occasions. It was ridiculous how he did this, for nobody truly fit in. Pyxis herself was not a normal Slytherin, but somehow Parker had his doubts. Perhaps it was because he didn't have a pure lineage, but she didn't think it would matter. Did it matter to him? "We had this discussion so many times." She stated, looking down at her violently shaking hands.

Pyxis shook her head, a stab of anger flashing through her again. This wasn't fair on her, she didn't know what had happened and he wasn't explaining it. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest as she frowned at him. "So, you're gone 9 years and I don't get any explanation at all? I can see that my friendship meant a lot to you." She snarled, turning her face away from him.

Pyxis' body slumped as her eyes scanned over the familiar lake. The memories they'd shared here burned in her mind, and she let more tears fall as she balled her fists. Her head snapped up as he said he was leaving, and she smiled wearily once more at him. "Perhaps," she said. "But then again, maybe not." Her head spun as she looked back to the lake and retrieved her wand from her pocket and twirled it around in her hands.

"I know- I know that we did...but i can't help but feel so confused sometimes! I know it's stupid, I'm an adult and I should have myself figured out, but I don't- I wish I never had to worry about it, but people still care so much about labels!" He felt it was true with those he'd been surrounded with the past few years. Every time he met someone they only cared how influential his school and family was. He missed out on many training opportunities because he was no one, or at least made to believe he was no one. He had one time even been told by one of the more bigoted directors that he wasn't as well respected by his patients. It made no sense though, his patients would only know him for how well he worked and treated them, not what blood ran through him.

"No- Pyxis, that's not it! It's because it means so much to me that I want to make sure I can think and tell you everything properly- " He groaned as he had turned away, running his hand through his hair again.

He turned back to her when she said that she'd probably not talk to him. He stood looking at her a moment before walking up behind her. He knelt down, and put his hands on her shoulders. He concentrated his magic to heal what he realized he may have hurt when he shoved her away, forcing his emotions down and putting on his professional facade as he spoke quietly, "I'm so sorry I hurt you...and I want to explain. But we both need time to calm down and think. Please. I'll be at the Hospital wing." He then stood up.

Pyxis buried her head in her hands as she sighed in frustration. Labels, she hated them. It ruined everyone, to be labelled better than someone because of your skin colour or your blood purity. She couldn't understand it, for how did it make you better if you had pure blood or white skin? In fact, a lot of pureblood's are idiots and most definitely are not better than muggle borns. Often, muggle borns excelled in classes due to the fact that they studied harder because they did not grow up in the wizarding world. "But- hmmph! Labels, damn them." She huffed.

Pyxis eyes followed his hand, and the smallest of smiles flashed across her features as she remembered that she used to always run her hands through it and whine about how un-fair it was that his hair was soft, and hers was so weird. She wanted to apologise for snapping, but she didn't want to talk to him anymore. She was frustrated and weary.

Pyxis nodded her head. She knew that her will power wasn't nearly as strong as when she was younger, and she'd rather quickly seek him out. She wished it didn't have to be like this, she just wanted to sit silently beside him without that awkward tension between them. She gasped as he put his hands on her shoulders, and without thinking she relaxed against him. The pain in her shoulders vanished suddenly, and she smiled. "Okay."