Pyxis waved to Anscom and felt a giddy smile cross her features and she brushed her hair out of her face. She turned back towards Hogwarts castle and walked past the gates. She trailed up to the castle and walked along in almost a daze. For once in her life, she felt giddily happy. Even though they'd bickered a bit during the date - you couldn't go through a WHOLE evening without doing something to piss Pyxis off - it had been overall wonderful. Anscom was a sweet-heart, a gentleman, and he made her feel... happy. Even though her thoughts would often flicker to Parker, she knew that she could move on now. She didn't really want to, but Parker'd had her chance and she wasn't going to hold onto the past.

Pyxis didn't even care that it took her twice as long as normal to get up to the Professor's Quarters because she'd been too busy grinning to notice the staircase move. She pushed open the door to the Quarters and looked down at her watch, her eyes widening in surprise at the time. It was almost midnight! She let out a soft giggle and ran a hand through her hair. Her legs were shaky as she walked over o one of the many armchair's by the fire and collapsed in it, a huge grin on her face. She looked breathless and amazingly happy, something that was rare with Pyxis. She touched her finger to her lips again, like she had done when Anscom kissed her and her grin widened.

Parker had been sitting around in the Professor's Quarters. For hours he'd been going between, pacing, standing in front of the fire, sitting and drinking cup upon cup of coffee. He was restless and paranoid, and knew that sleep was lost for the night. His mind and his body just could not stay still and it was frustrating. Damn it, he was always frustrated lately and he hated it. He didn't like being angry, he wasn't typically an angry person...or maybe he was, he didn't know anymore. It didn't matter, he still was sick of all the arguing and having to defend himself all the time. On top of that the only person he'd really talked recently was Tess, and while it helped, he was still feeling pretty awful.

After some time he'd managed to wind himself down a bit and was now sitting on the step near the doorway, leaned up against the wall with his robe wrapped around him. When the door swung open he hardly moved his head as she moved passed him, not even seeing him. He pulled his leg in a bit so she'd not bump him. He brought his legs up to his chest, listening to her giggles as she entered the room, the door closing behind her. What had her so happy? he thought bitterly. Though he lowered his head, looking at his feet. Why shouldn't she be happy? Hell, he'd not seen her smile like that since sixth year. It was a warming thing to see to be honest. Though this time she wasn't smiling because of something he did. All he did nowadays was make her angry and make her cry. He looked back up as she plopped onto one of the chairs before the fire, a large grin on her face. She brought her hand to her lip, her grin widening. He brought his shoulders up a bit before resting his head down on his knees, closing his eyes with a sigh.

Pyxis was in so much of a blissful mood that she failed to see Parker by the door as she threw it open. It wasn't until she'd calmed down enough to fight the grin down to a small smile did she look around the what she'd believed to be empty quarters and spied him. She wasn't in the mood to fight with him, in fact she hated that he looked so sad. It was her fault, she knew, always fighting with him and making him miserable. Her and Anne ganging up on him. She kept the cheery smile on her face as she looked back at the flickering flames of the fire, happily consuming the logs upon which they sat. She still wondered if it was wizarding magic or the house elves magic that kept the flames alive.

She'd have to ask Alcyone, being the Deptuy Headmistress would mean she'd probably know. Pyxis shook her head and stood up, smiling softly as she made her way over to Parker. As she approached him though, she couldn't help that her smile turned into a grin and she flopped down beside him, still looking happy-as-Larry and slightly breathless. After a few moments of silence, she couldn't stand it and turned her body to face him fully. "Nice night, isn't it? You look a little down, is something up? You can tell me you know, I know i've been a pretty crap friend lately but-" She stopped herself before she could ramble and laughed breathlessly.

It went silent expect for the crackling of the flame for a few moment, and Parker raised his head a little bit. She was still looking at the fire, happy as can be and it made his stomach churn. What had happened to her that had her all giddy, so suddenly out of a rotten mood. He'd not dare to even ask, not dare to let her know he was even there. He didn't want to ruin it...he'd be fine sitting there for as long as she was there...he just missed that smile. But something about it made him upset at the same time.

He froze, when she turned and saw him, worried she'd flip out on the spot. But she just kept smiling and he jept frowning. He lowered his head and his gaze away from her as she approached, half worried that looking at her would set her off. Oh god, he was acting like he did around his mother around her now, this was pathetic. what was he even doing still sitting there when she plopped down next to him, he should just get up and walk away... Her still smiling and being so happy was unnerving, and was starting to put him off now. What was she trying to do, rub it in his face that she was happy and he a miserable mess?

When she turned to him, he just stared back at her, furrowing his eyebrows lightly. "You're joking right?" he interrupted dryly, not looking amused or please or anything good in the slightest. He shook his head in disbelief and looked away from her. Was she seriously just going to start caring and asking how he was after all the shit that happened and after they'd not talked in so long anyway?

Pyxis eyebrows furrowed for a moment in the almost defensive way he looked away from her and ducked his head. She felt concern ripple through her and she hated that she'd been so horrible to him lately. It felt like all she ever did was attack every little thing he did, and she felt that she should make up for it. She didn't want him to be un-happy, because damn she cared about him more than anyone else in her life. And though she really liked Anscom, Parker was her best friend and her first - and only - love, and she wasn't about to let him suffer.

She sat down next to him and tried to just be incredibly happy, but she noted the incredulous way he regarded her, and her cheeks tinged a light pink. Okay, so being happy wasn't enough for him - don't, Pyxis, she warned herself. She didn't want to get pissed at him. She just continued to smile, though it was fading slightly. She stopped herself from talking and opened her mouth to continue with something more concerned and less giddy, when he interrupted her. She wouldn't've cared, except he spoke, well, dryly. Her smile faded and she stared down at her feet for a moment. So he was in a bad mood. She'd have to try and cheer him up a bit. She didn't want him to be sad.

Even if it meant watching him move and, go out, find some girl and fall in love, she wanted him to be happy. She probably wouldn't be, but she'd have Anscom. She swallowed around the lump in her throat and crossed her arms, looking back up at him with the smile gone now. She couldn't find the energy to force a smile on her face when he spoke to her, and even the words... She couldn't describe how much they upset her. She'd been in such a good mood. She let out a breath. Be a supportive friend, just... don't get angry. Don't you dare get angry, Pyxis Wilson, She threatened herself. She couldn't afford to get angry at him and upset him further. "W-What? What do you mean?"

Parker kept his gaze averted from her as long moments of silence stretched out. A bit of tension seemed to form, but that was most likely from his end and not hers. Nooo, she was just way too damn happy. And damn it, he felt like such a bastard for letting it bother him because she deserved to be happy and it was so nice to see her smile, but at the same time it hurt so bad because he hadn't had a real reason to smile like that in ages. He was almost childishly thinking 'it's not fair', because nothing was anymore.

Why did she have to go from ignoring him to this, it was more confusing and frustrating and although all he wanted was to have this back, to have 6th year back, right now it just stung. Because unlike then he hadn't been the one to make her happy. After 6th year all he did was make her miserable, proven by what was happening now. Why not just walk away and let her be happy? But no, he couldn't even do that.

He felt so fucking awful when he found himself to feel a bit better with that giddy grin gone. He sighed and pulled at a loose thread at the cuff of his trousers. "What do you mean what?" he said, looking at her again, sounding hurt. "You're seriously going to just come up to me and act like that? Like everything has been just peachy keen for the past 10 years, or especially the past few weeks? What the hell is that about?"

Pyxis felt the previous happiness just leave her body as the tension stretched in those briefest of moments where there was only silence. She studied him carefully and felt a lump form in her throat. All she wanted to do was curl up against him and hold him close, promising that she'd try to be better. That she'd try not to cause so many problems because she didn't want to upset and hurt him anymore. She didn't think she could handle knowing he was upset over her all the time, and she let out a heavy sigh. She wasn't happy now. She was already forgetting Anscom.

And, in true Pyxis fashion, she felt a spark of anger. How could he do this, she was just trying to be happy and he had to ruin it! She grit her teeth and squashed it down. Not now. She flinched at his harsh tone and looked down at her hands, feeling like a schoolgirl getting caught doing the wrong thing. The tears that had wanted to brim now slid down her cheeks and she sniffled lightly. She just... She just wanted so bad to help him, to make him move on. He deserved to be happy after all the shit he'd been through. It just wasn't fair.

"Well," she started, trying to keep the words down because it was stupid to say something so mean and hurtful, but she couldn't. "That's not exactly my fault that the past 10 years've sucked, is it?" She whispered hoarsely, sliding away from him.

Parker could only watch and feel as every ounce of that giddy happyness she was feeling drained out of her. And he was the one that did it. Sobered her back down to her old self. That only proved to himself what a negativity he was on her. Even if he had been pushing it. God, he felt so awful. This is what he did to her. This is what he reduced her to. She was better than him though, she deserved to be treated so much better. She deserved everything.

He just watched at the tears came as they always did. He sighed, tightening his arms around his legs slightly. There was nothing he could say to make them stop as he discovered so many years ago. It was just something she always did when they argued...which was all the time lately.

He didn't even react when she said those words. Because it was true. It wasn't her fault. At all. It was all him. He let himself get be mean to her, he let himself just disappear from her life, he let himself get like he did in seventh year, he just let his mother get away with all the things she did." he glanced up as she moved away from him. His voice soft now. "No, it isn't. I know. It's mine. But I'm so tired of saying I'm sorry all the time...."

Pyxis bit down hard on her bottom lip, hard enough that it hurt, but not hard enough to draw blood. She felt like a terrible person for upsetting him. She was fighting between guilt and anger at the moment. Anger, because the one time she was happy in the past MERLIN knows how long, he'd been sour and now she could barely remember what that happiness felt like. But guilt, because the reason he was in such a bad mood was probably her fault. When she sat there and thought about it, she attacked everything he did. Nothing was ever good enough for her when it came to him, but she knew why.

Because she couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend why he didn't just understand how he was feeling! She was so in touch with her feelings that it seemed foreign and strange that he was just confused. She wished he'd just crushed her when she told him that she loved him, rather than just gave her nothing because she couldn't help the hope that disabled her from moving on. She just wanted to be happy, but she knew she never would be truly happy, not unless she had him. They were so wrong for each other, but she didn't care because love conquers all, apparently.

She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it away from her face as she let out an aggravated sigh. She wanted to hit herself, why was she such a bitch? She didn't want to say things like that, but even if she fought it they'd just come out anyway. "Well you know what?" Her voice was weary, because she was so sick and tired of fighting with him. "I'm sick of being sad, Parker. I don't want to do it anymore. And you know what else? You fucking know how I feel, so you know that I can't just ditch you and move on. I want you to be happy, I just want to help! Why do you have to ruin EVERYTHING?" She stood up as tears streamed down her face. "Why can't you let me have this? Why can't you let me be happy?"

Parker felt himself flinch and turn away from her slightly at her tired sounding words. So we he. He was so sick of it, but at the same time he knew he must have inflicted it upon himself some how. He could try harder to be happy, force it. He could try like he did back at Mungo's while his inside slowly ate him away. Or just go off, disappear again. Really disappear. For good. Put all this pain to rest because god knows how many nights he laid awake staring at the ceiling with tears running down the sides of his face wishing he could be a god damn useful, contributing person. To even act like a person and not some miserable excuse and waste of a life.

Parker knew humans beings are supposed to be emotion creatures, wanting affection and attention and to simply feel wanted. What was so messed up in him that he didn't know left from right in that area? What left him so emotionally stunted? The way he grew up? The fact his father had his bullshit ideas of what 'being a man' was, telling Parker that emotions were a thing to be bottled up, a thing men weren't supposed to have. Was it the fact that the one person he was able to turn to with those emotions, his mother, had lashed them back at him reaching an extreme emotional peak and explosion that scared him. He learned this expression of his emotions was bad, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, Pyxis reinforced it. Her lashing out at him built it, but that wasn't her fault. He could have dealt with things differently, fight back or speak up, but he never did.

He glanced at her when she groaned, saying how he knew how she felt. He looked confused. What the hell did she mean by that? He then shook his head and looked down again sighing as she got herself riled up again. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair, "I don't know. I'm sorry...okay?" He said, he voice straining. "I don't know...I don't fucking know anything. I'm stupid, I'm shit, i get it!" His voice grew loud at the end as she practically lept up. "And why can't you UNDERSTAND After all these years you-"he cut himself, feeling tears will in his eyes as he groaned and turned away starting to storm away "I'm so fucking done-"

Pyxis buried her face in her hands, feeling like a terrible person. How could she just bounce over to him, all perky and happy and think he'd be okay? She just caused problems, and he probably didn't want to deal with her being so goddamn happy while he wasn't in a great mood. She knew how annoying it was when you were in a sour mood and someone had to be all cheery and happy around you, making you just want to slap that stupid smile off of their face. But she couldn't apologise now, because she felt too insulted to do so. On the one hand, she felt terrible, but on the other she felt insulted and irritated with him - though this wasn't a very new occurrence.

Why couldn't she just have this one moment of happiness? She didn't want to suffer and always just be so angry all the time. She hated being miserable, she couldn't take the constant sadness. She knew it wasn't healthy either, that she was always in a shitty mood and wasn't sure how to fix it. Well, now she knew how. She'd be with Anscom, and yeah it wasn't as great as when her and Parker were getting along, at least she was fucking happy! Wasn't she allowed to be happy? She felt her expression darken and she wanted to express this to him, but bit her lip and gnawed on it instead. She wasn't even sure how she'd phrase it, and he'd probably respond the same way.

"You - oh my, Merlin, you are so stupid. I don't even know why I put up with you sometimes!" She snapped, tears streaming down her face as her hurt showed clearly on her face. She wasn't sure whether she felt more hurt by the fact that he didn't care enough about her feelings to remember, or angry that he'd forgotten. "Walk away you stupid asshole!" She growled. "That's all you ever do, isn't it? You don't deal with your problems, you don't work through them, you don't think about your emotions, you just run away! Because you're a coward, Parker, and you'll never be anything else. And I can't believe you don't even remember, though if I think about it - I can." She snapped.

Why did he always have to ruin everything?? Especially for her? It's not like he enjoyed feeling like this, no one would. He hated it. So why the hell did he do this to himself, and to her? It wasn't fair to her! Why couldn't he just stay out of her god damn life? Why couldn't he just leave her be? As much as he wanted to make things better between them things only seemed to get worse. Be it because the timing was always awful, or something always comes up, or simply one of them wasn't having a good day. So one thing leads to another in some awful slippery slope and he simply couldn't take it anymore. He needed to stop hating himself for every little mistake he made that was beyond his control with her.

Parker groaned, dragging a hand through his hair as he turned back to her her, snapping back, "I don't know how I put up with myself sometimes!" He took a deep, shuddering breath, clenching and unflinching his fists as he lowered his eyes to the ground as he always did. He couldn't stand to look at her whenever there was confrontation between them. He didn't want to be like his father, getting in his mothers face, getting even more riled up. He started to turn away again, but stopped as she growled at him. He let all his breath out as she continued her verbal abuse. He just nodded along. It was true, all of it. He knew it. What fucking point would there be to deny it? He shut his eyes tightly before looking up at her slowly, biting the inside of his cheek, still nodding. "I know." He said lowly. "Fucking pathetic and ridiculous, I know. I've lived with it my whole life." He turned the rest of the way around, continuing his walk away from her and to his quarters. "I'm tired. and I'm sorry..." he trailed off. He was so, so sorry for ruining her life...or at least it felt like he was..

Pyxis let out a groan and banged her head against the banister of the staircase. She wanted to rip her hair out of her head at times like this, or bite her lip or just - cause herself physical pain so she didn't have to feel the emotional one so much. But she was a wimp and would never be able to hurt herself more than a tug at her hair which made her wince, or digging her teeth into her lip. Sometimes, she dragged her skin along her scalp and drew blood that way, which was hell painful. But any more than that and she'd shy away. Jump into a battle and receive the torture curse? Sure, why not. Dig a knife into her skin? Hell no. She would've laughed at herself, except she was too distraught to even have a flicker of a smile cross her face, or even feel a little bit cheered up by the thought.

Pyxis hated herself. Why did she say such awful things? And they weren't even an accident, either, like when Parker said something mean by accident simply because he hadn't thought about it before saying it. She thought about it, considered it, told herself it was horrible and then snapped it at him to hurt him. Bitch, heartless bitch, she told herself. Her lip quivered. "No - don't listen to me, Parker. I just say this shit to hurt you - but fuck, why can't you remember? You know what, i'm not going to tell you! It's better that way, anyway! The fact that you don't remember is answer enough for me!" She snapped, turning away from him, before she stopped and whirled back around to him. She pointed her finger at him again. "And one last thing - fuck you. Why can't you let me have this ONE thing that makes me happy?"

It was strange how the words had pretty much no affect on him. He just accepted them. He knew they were true, he accepted it (well not really, he hated that it was true, but he accepted them as true.) He'd heard this shit and worse from his mother plenty of times that this verbal abuse Pyxis constantly dished out to him was nothing. When she said she just did this to hurt him he let out a short self deprecating and disbelieving sort of laugh. "No shit, really? Like i didn't know that, Doesn't make it any less true." he shot back, shaking his head, trying not the care about what she was saying. He was just feeling worse and worse and he refused to take any more of this.

"Okay, you know what!?" he started to shout, interrupting her. "I'm done talking with you right now. I'm really not in a good place, and I really, really don't want to talk with you right now." he stated firmly, his voice wavering. "Look- I'm sorry for being such a shit person to you, and maybe we can talk things through later, go out and- no, that's a bad idea....fuck it, no- we can go out someplace to eat and try to talk things through like civilized people. This-" he made a motion with his hand to both of them. "is reminding me way to much of both our parents, and I hate it. I know things have been weird the past year, but I'm so sick of it."

Pyxis didn't like the weird feeling she got from hit at all, it made her feel disgusted with herself. He looked as if the words didn't effect him at all, and that seemed to upset her more than if the words actually had hurt him. Did he believe the things she said? Had she told him them on so many occasions that he just accepted it? She grit her teeth together and tried not to just explode with rage and burn everything in her sights. She was so frustrated with herself, so fed up with being angry Pyxis who couldn't control her emotions. WHY? Why? Why couldn't she just calm herself down like a normal person? She felt hurt stab at her chest and she dropped her eyes to the ground. Bottle it, bottle it, don't you dare-, she warned herself angrily, but that was the thing. When she was angry, she couldn't just control herself.

"Oh fuck off, Parker," she snapped. "This is your fault! Don't act like you're bloody sick of me, bloody sick of this," she motioned between them. Fuck him and his stupid fucking - fuck him! She glared at him as he continued to talk, being the bigger person. Fuck him! The words repeated in her mind over and over. "Oh, you're not in a good place, darling?" She growled. She folded her arms and glared at him venomously. "Did you think you could come back and this would be easy? You think i'd just be okay that you ditched me without another word? You think that it didn't hurt, that my only friend left me alone for nine years? Fine, we'll have lunch. And we'll talk like civilised people, totally," she rolled her eyes and spoke sarcastically. "I'll be at three broomsticks next week, Friday." She snapped, turning and storming off up the staircase.

Parker brought both hand up to his face, rubbing hard at his eyes with a groan and dragging his hands down his stubbling face. He felt about ready to start sobbing out of pure frustration, breaking things, jumping into the lake. Okay, fucking hell, they were both so melodramatic. This was all to fucking stupid, it didn't feel worth it to endure right now. it was the raised voice that bothered him more then the words themselves. It was the flinching away when she pointed at him or came at him to quickly. It was the being so afraid and confused for this many years that was just tiring and made him want to just give up. None of this was fair. He knew nothing was going to be easy for him ever, but he just didn't want to fill like such shit so constantly.

He narrowed his eyes a soft 'what' escaping under his breath as she told him to fuck off. Really, what else should he have expected? She was way too fucking prideful for her own good to let anyone try to fix anything for her. Not like she was able to do it herself. Damn it, he wanted to smash his own face into the wall for just thinking so cruelly about her. He shook his head, exasperated, "No, no, you're misunderstanding me. I'm sick of me. And sick of all this god damn arguing!! Aren't you?? Or is it just so familiar you can't stand to have anything other than conflict!!?" His voice rose to a scream at the end of the question, his whole body shaking because he was so upset. He groaned and rolled his eyes at her saying 'darling', stepping away again. "Nothing will ever be easy! I just thought we talked through this enough and guilted me enough about this shit last year." he shouted after her after she started leaving. "We need to move on!" he added, though he was sure she was gone and hadn't been listening to anything he'd been saying anyway.

He fisted his hands in his hair, tugging it and shutting his eyes tightly. He turned quickly, kicking at the near by wall as hard as he could, though as he kicked it he cried out in pain. He held himself up against the wall, trying not to collapse to the floor. He leaned his forehead against the wall as he tried to calm down his breathing before limping away to go to his room.