"Go back to Bronn, you two deserve each other, both of your are sadists anyways, he destroys villages, and you...you destroy hearts" Victoria closed her eyes, letting her forehead lean against the frosted window in her office. Ever since Parker had reminded her of the warming charm on her first day, her office no longer held a biting chill, but this...this was soothing.

It had been almost a week since her run in with Alec, and she'd artfully avoided him since. Most meal times she would spend in her office, or wandering the grounds. She was grateful that the students knew where to find her, not pressing the fact that she'd become a bit of a recluse. She was beginning to wonder how she ever got appointed the job, really, if she couldn't keep her own life together.

She sighed, looking up at the almost full moon. It's pale beauty was a small comfort, making the ache in her chest seem slightly smaller, filled by it's light. She hadn't cried since that day, drifting hour to hour in an almost sleep-walking state.

"Thanks for coming" Alec whispered to her.

Tess' eyes widened as she was pulled into a hug by him. She got on her tippy toes and hugged him tightly letting him get some sort of comfort. Guilt, she felt guilt, because at the back of her conscious, it screamed 'I knew it wasn't going to work'. The sad thing was that he had done everything right and still it ended.

Pulling back she kissed her brother's cheek.

"Anytime you git" she murmured.

He kissed her forehead and gave her one last squeeze before pulling back. She waved as he closed the door. Taking a deep breath, she walked down the empty halls she knew so well. She pulled her coat tighter and a frown etched on her face. Guilt, she definitely felt guilt over the fact that they were getting closer as siblings, because of tragedy and heartbreak. She took joy in their new found bond, but she felt as if she shouldn't.

Looking out towards the grounds, she noticed that this is how she spent her whole afternoon. She had been invited for coffee and he began to talk about everything, his never ending anger towards Bronn, the pain that he felt for Victoria's betrayal, and his actual apologies for getting involved with her in the first place.



"I should have known that she was a bad idea. I thought it would hurt her, had no idea it would hurt me back, and bite me in my fucking ass" he growled out.

Coffee and soon turned to drinking brandy and scotch. Tess winced as she drank the class of scotch, ignoring the heat that went right to her cheek. Neither of them could have guessed that now as adults they'd be sitting down and drinking, letting out all of their woes.

"I'm sorry I was so negative" she replied.

He waved her off and looked out the window, before murmuring "Waste of my fucking time". She shook her head as he poured another cup and handed a new one to her. She made a noise, knowing she'd regret it, but there she found herself watching her brother let out all his sorrows and getting drunk, while she herself was a bit gone.

"So you talked to her?" she asked.

"Had to, I regret getting this stupid job you know."

"But you talked to her civilly?"

Alec snorted and shook his head.

"I told her that I loved her, LOVED, past tense, as in no more, no mas" he repeated.

She nodded not believing he said that to Victoria. She knew that it would hurt her more, knowing that she had lost his heart. The night went on, him explaining everything, from his hate, to his pain, to how he was coping, and how he hated being here but he had signed the contract.

She was glad for those drinks, at least she was a bit warm, ignoring the cold breeze. She was going to walk out towards the gates, but her eyes lingered towards the stairs knowing that perhaps it would be better that she talked to Victoria as well.

So up the stairs she went, cursing as the staircases weren't being too cooperative. Once she reached the third floor, she walked swiftly, wanting a warm place to be, and talk to her best friend. Seeing the door, she knocked waiting for her to open it.

"I loved you, you stupid woman." Victoria shuddered. No. He couldn't have. Yes, he'd been angry the other day. Anger, she could believe. He'd gone so out of his way to make her comfortable in their....relationship? He'd invested so much time and effort into something that he now thought that she'd thrown away so carelessly. Yes...anger was believable.

But love? No. She could not believe that a man like him could ever love her. Hell, she didn't know how Bronn had either. There was obviously something wrong with her, that she could do something so horrible. So thoughtless. And all because she'd wanted a little piece of her past. Like a child, she'd clung to it. But she wasn't a child anymore. And now she had to lie in the bed she'd made.

Hearing a soft knock, she furrowed her brow. Who could be coming to see her at this time of night? Most students who needed to see her would do so before dinner, opting to use the hours after for studying or hanging with friends. Unfurling from her curled up spot by the window, she softly padded over to the door, opening it without hesitation.

Her eyes widened a bit at seeing Tess. She could smell small traces of liquor, but nothing to be worried about. It was just...odd, since it was Tess. "Did I forget you were coming?" She moved out of the way, so Tess could enter her office. She'd been very forgetful lately. Opting for a more 'open-door' policy, so she didn't have to think about scheduling.

Tess waved softly as the door open, with a small shy smile on her face. For the first time in a long time she felt awkward around Victoria. It wasn't because of her specifically, but more of how she teetered-tottered from one side to the other, from Alec to Victoria, from Dorian to...yes she needed to stop teeter-tottering.

As Victoria moved aside, she stepped inside the room and looked around. It was indeed beautiful, and she liked it. She took off her coat, it had his cologne on it, it made her uncomfortable, and placed it on the hanger before sitting down on the couch comfortably.

"No...I just...I thought of you" she began. "And I felt we needed to talk and see how you were doing. Sorry about dropping in so late though."

Victoria tried to smile back at Tess, but it didn't reach her eyes. Hell, she didn't even show teeth. In reality, it was more of a twitch at the corners of her lips than anything close to a smile. She was happy to see Tess, truly. It seemed like a lifetime ago when she'd moved into her flat, falling easily into their old friendship.

As Tess moved past her, she felt her heart stop. Alec. She gripped the door handle tightly, feeling the pain ripple through her body. She wanted to cry, laugh, and vomit all at the same time. The day in the woods she'd been close enough to smell him, but she hadn't been able to enjoy it. And before that, when? She closed her eyes, remembering their quiet day by the lake. It had been perfect.

She opened her eyes, snapping back into harsh reality. Closing the door softly, she moved over to the couch, perching gently with one leg tucked to her chest. "I don't mind the time. I'll be up for hours still." She bit her lip, knowing it wasn't good to say that. She was more of a night owl now, sleeping better with the false protection of daylight. At night, the thoughts and bad dreams were worse, heightened. Her waking ones weren't much better, but at least she could consciously think of the good times while awake, if she wanted to.

Tess frowned and pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them tightly as she stared at Victoria. It was almost as when they were kids, if Victoria was upset she'd shut down, after all, there were only so many tears, and after that came the coldness. Tess would always curl up and try to warm her up, even if only a bit. This time it seemed that she was colder than winter and Tess was glad for the drinks with Alec, because it had made her a bit more honest.

"You don't sleep anymore do you" it wasn't a question.

She shook her head and looked out the window. Even now, grown women, they still acted as kids. Tess handled her feelings differently than Victoria, for one thing she kept it inside, letting it out usually resulted in destruction of some kind, she cried, but for petty things. Victoria dealt with pain the way she knew how, letting out. It was a shame that she carried her heart on her sleeve, because because of her heart, because of the amount of love that Victoria had, this heartbreak happened.

"You never answered my question: how are you?"

Victoria furrowed her brow. It'd been years since she'd had a real breakdown, and nothing quite like this. She'd forgotten how well Tess knew her and could read her. Her face softened a little at her friend's assessment.

"Not really. Not well, anyway." Usually she didn't bother with much makeup, but she'd spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, trying to hide the circles under her eyes. She really didn't mean to worry Tess, but she couldn't help it. She was past the exterior pain and now lived in a constant numbness.

At Tess's question, Victoria sighed. What could she tell her? That she barely slept, barely ate. She was sure she'd lost enough weight for people to notice. She really didn't mean to do it on purpose, but she couldn't bring herself to force down food. Looking at her best friend, she thought of her talk with a new friend in the library. She'd thought it was easier to open up to someone not as involved in this whole mess, but she missed Tess.

"I'm alive, Tess." She bit her lip anxiously. "How is he?"

The ice around her best friend melted for a bit, and Tess sighed. Her friend looked like she had been run over by those eighteen-wheeler trucks. From a Healer's perspective, she could see that Victoria had lost weight and probably because the lack of sleep (the darkness under the lids was obvious) and probably lack of appetite.

Tess wasn't the expert on heartbreak, because she protected herself from loving completely. She had admitted that to herself recently as she found herself trying to be open once more. But Victoria, Tess sighed at the thought, she was a romantic by heart, and bless her heart, but that was what bit her in the ass.

She shook her head at her friend's response and rested her head on her knees frowning. She always curled up when they had their heart to hearts, because that's just how it worked. Usually Victoria would walk back and forth, and Tess would watch and curl up. She avoided her gaze though, immediately at 'him'.

"It was obvious wasn't it" she mumbled against her knees.

Taking a deep breath she muttered.

"He's been drinking more..he's been making me drink too"

Victoria pursed her lips at the news. Seeing Tess curl in on herself even more, she stood and moved to the tea kettle she had hung over the fireplace. It was an old fashioned way of heating the water, but she enjoyed it. She'd always been a tea lover, even though she never put stock in the divination aspect.

She winced. An image of her and Alec laughing at the audacity of Divination flashed across her mind. Trying to push it away, she poured two cups, handing one to Tess as she took up her previous seat. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and spread it over their laps.

When Tess asked if it was obvious, Victoria sighed, defeated. She knew she was pathetic, but she opened the top few buttons on her sweater to reveal Alec's shirt, tucked safely underneath. One corner of her mouth slid up sadly. "I'd know him anywhere."

Her brow furrowed, she frowned. Sure, Victoria liked her liquor like any normal person, but making Tess drink? That was a different level. "Please, don't let him do anything stupid." She couldn't bare the idea of him getting hurt, especially because of her.

Tess shook her head seeing that disgusting shirt still on her friend. Merlin knows that thing was not washed and being a stickler for cleanliness made her shiver in a bit of disgust and pity. She sighed and took the tea reluctantly, she hated tea, but she needed to get the taste of scotch out of her mouth.

Taking a long sip, she ignored the burn that went down her throat and the taste of tea. Sighing she looked down at the cup, and gripped it tightly. It was getting more serious, without one another, it seemed that both of them were broken.

"He's alright, I sent him to be before I came here" she murmured. "It's better for him to drink with someone than him drink alone...and he owled me. He didn't want to be alone."

She wondered why he hadn't owled Dorian, but he had waved off her suggestion, instead taking off her coat and tugging her towards the seat meant for her and handed her the first glass of many. It was a miracle she wasn't wobbling on her way up.

"He told me everything you know..." she trailed off.

She couldn't tell her that he opened up to her, because she knew that would be a sting for Victoria. Still, the fact he talked, that was helping him stray from doing something stupider.

"He told me he said it"

Victoria could feel the hints of a smile playing at her lips. She bumped her knee against Tess's. "I washed the damned shirt last night, you germaphobe." Sometimes she forgot how anal retentive she could be.

She couldn't help but nod, agreeing with Tess's point. "Yeah. At least he still has you." If she couldn't be there for Alec, Tess was a damn good second. Though, she guessed, Tess would be the first person he would be calling from now on, if not Dorian. Her heart ached at not being able to go to him.

Her mouth went dry. She hadn't expected that. Apparently their breakup was having positive affects on their brother/sister relationship. A small part of her tried to be happy for her best friend. A small part that seemed to be lost amongst all the pain that seemed to invade her every thought.

She felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of her. Biting her lip, she felt the sharp sting of tears itching behind her eyes, for the first time in almost a week. "Well he was very clear about it. Past tense." Memories flitted through her mind. Alec flushed in anger. Him, pulling back from her as if she'd smacked him. That was what had hurt the most. In all their time together...their shared touches and kisses. And he'd pulled away like she was cursed. Maybe I am.

Tess let out of a half-smile as her friend insulted her in a jokingly manner. She chuckled and shrugged innocently; she had seen the crap movies with Victoria. Those romantic comedies about the girl sobbing and not washing the scent off an article of clothing, and no matter how sweet it potentially was, it was still disgusting that she didn't wash it. Didn't they know the amount of germs they carried? She was going off tangent again, and shook her head.

"Well, Dorian's...he's dealing with things" she said as vague as possible. "Alec told me that"

She felt the need to add that to not get in a lie; she was a shitty liar. But her friend's expression, made a frown etch on her face. Guilt bubbled up at the fact that her friend was hurt by the fact that someone had replaced her in a way. Alec was opening up to someone that wasn't her. Victoria was the catalyst of this occurrence, the bane of his existence who had forced him to seek out someone to talk to. Sadly it had been Tess, much to her hurt it seemed.

"Don't take it to heart" she murmured and patted her friend's hand softly. "He's complicated...he's an enigma, took me years to understand how he works, still learning. But right now, from seeing him, is I can tell you that you can't lose hope."

Victoria groaned and pressed her hand over her eyes. Alec didn't even have Dorian to talk to? What the hell! Something in her twisted fiercely, as an image of him sitting alone in his room, drinking, crossed her mind. She knew it was ironic, that she hated the idea of him being alone, while she spent most of her waking hours alone, but it was what it was.

She wished she'd learned how to make coffee, knowing Tess hated tea. But it was all she had in the office. Hearing Tess's comment, she just shook her head. She loved her friend like a sister, but she wasn't sure she really understood. "Tess, all I have is hope now. Even though I know it's not going to do a lick of good."

It was stupid, dwelling on things she couldn't change. But Tess's visit tonight was the first time she'd felt even remotely alive since that day in the forest. She sighed, looking down into her tea. "I know I'm too emotional for my own good. But I think I gave away all of me. Bronn had my past, and I gave Alec my future. And now it's all gone." She felt a tear finally fall, and a part of her soul relaxed. I know this. This, I can do.

Tess felt something rise in her and she took a deep breath. Throwing the blanket off of her she found herself needing to pace. Putting her cup down she ran her fingers through her hair, a similar trait from her brother before taking the tea from Victoria's hand.

"Stop crying" she found herself saying. "You have always, as long as I've known you defined yourself based on how others see you. Why do you do that? Why do you need to put your happiness and life on another human being?"

She was being a bit harsh, a bit out of character, but she had bit back these forms of words for years that were their friendship.

"With Bronn, Merlin you two would cling to one another to be happy. I never got it! Happiness should come from within you, but no, you clung to being loved, to being cherished and he did the same. For once, for once in your life Victoria Rossmund did you think that perhaps that was wrong?"

She was never like that, while she was a people pleaser, Tess never once defined her happiness on another person, because she from a young age was forced to learn that to be happy, it meant sacrifices. To her happiness only came from her alone, because people scorn, and love can easily be taken away...her family being one of those people.

"The asshole hurts you, yet you somehow turn back to the teenager you once were and fall for him once more. Why? Because of sacrifices, and Merlin I know you loved him a long time ago, but why did you do it. For comfort? To feel happiness like you used to. The fact that your past was in his hands is incredibly stupid." She took a deep breath. "Victoria, your past is in your hands, yours, not someone elses."

She found herself being more brazen, perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was her being sick of all of this. This sadness, she hated feeling sad, that's why she cocooned herself in false cheer and positivism, because once she gave in to real life, it was shit.

"And with Alec, why did your happiness return with someone beside you." she said softly. "You shouldn't rely on another person to be happy you know why? Because love can easily end, and then you end up with nothing. He might love you, and you might love him, but you both need to be happy without one another for a bit, heal...before you can think to start again." she sighed. "I don't understand how you can be so codependent on him. Why can't you be happy alone?"

Victoria listened to Tess rant, not moving an inch, not even to drink her tea. This was so unlike her, unlike anything she'd ever done. But if she really thought about it, it shouldn't shock her so much. Tess and Alec were a lot alike. Always holding everything in. She'd seen his outburst in the forest, and now...here was Tess's.

As Tess came to a close on what she had to say, Victoria blinked, setting down her cup on the end table. Her words hurt. A lot. But she knew they weren't meant to. She sighed, wiping away the one tear that had left a tear on her cheek. "Tess, you know we're not built the same. I put my heart into everything, every relationship, every dream. I know that leads to pain, but I wouldn't change it." As she said the words, a part of her heart relaxed, accepting them. "I would rather have loved Alec blindly than not at all, out of fear." She tried to keep the bite out of her words.

Pursing her lips, she went on. "As for Bronn...I was weak. Weak and stupid, okay? Life has been crazy since the raid and yell at me all you want, but a part of me wanted to go back to the days when everything made sense! When I didn't have to wonder what was going to happen that day, the next, a year from now." Her days at the camp had been so carefree. She knew who she was then, where she fit in their world. She'd felt so out of place since then.

She tried not to clench her jaw too hard. "Did you ever think that people can find themselves while IN a relationship?" She groaned, sinking her head into her hands. "As infuriating as Alec was in the beginning, he's shown me so much, Tess." Before him, Victoria had thought love meant open declarations and constant physical contact. But since? She now saw that his guarded looks and less frequent caresses were just as powerful, just as meaningful. It had completely changed her view on love, which she felt was the most important thing in life.

Tess shook her head and looked away, staring at the window, as she did the only thing she knew what do to in these situations; she crossed her arms and felt her shoulders tense up. She wasn't like her, as sweet and shy as Tess seemed, the big difference between the seemingly spontaneous best friend, was that she used logic.

Under her sweet demeanor, her shyness, her blushing, her mind was always working, always keeping herself guarded. Because, nothing hurt more than being broken. She never understood how someone could love for all they were worth, and then be cut off, broken, yet they did it again, a vicious cycle that she despised more than anything.

"Fear is not the issue, caution, strategy" She replied glaring. "You are dealing with a man who finds strategy in the way he consumes food! You want him to be complete, you have to deal with logic, with sense, not emotions" she spat out. "You're emotions led you to this downfall. I'm sorry, but there was your failure, your heart."

She looked at her friend, still wiping her tears , and she frowned. She had found herself crying often times whenever her friend was hurt, why? Because it hurt her that someone so good would be broken. She bent down and grabbed her hands.

"I love you, you're my sister, so I say this because I care for you do you understand? Loving is never wrong, I never said that, but loving so much that you claim your happiness alongside someone else is what's wrong. You're so beautiful, brilliant, and successful, that you don't need those arses to make you happy."

She observed her friend's expression change and she pulled back knowing that this would start another argument. Victoria was too weak when it came to emotions, she sighed and walked towards the window, deciding that it was a nicer view than her broken friend. She might have been the younger one, but she was more closed off.

"You could have found the same thing, had you tried to find yourself. Tell me Victoria" she began using her whole name. "have you once been happy alone? Have you ever tried?"

Victoria let out a slow breath, trying to stay calm. She didn't want to argue with Tess. They'd never been those friends that agreed on everything. They'd been more of the 'two sides of the same coin' kind of friends. And over the years, they'd learned to live with those differences.

"I know that's what got me into this mess. I'd take that day back if I could. That whole damned day! Even if it meant living with his betrayal for the rest of my life." As terrible as she'd felt before knowing what had really happened, the look in Alec's eyes at her own betrayal was far worse.

She shook her head. "Tess, I don't try to define myself by them. I really don't. No, I've never really spent time single since before Bronn, or in between the two. But I never felt constricted with them." She bit her lip, knowing she wasn't explaining this correctly.

"I've never been one of those meek, submissive women, you know that. I've always believed in being equals in a relationship. Especially when it comes to respect. That's why it was so hard fro me to get used to Alec. Bronn was always so easy to understand, he just said what he felt. But with Alec....sometimes i just couldn't see the real him." She sighed.

She joined Tess at the window, looking down on the grounds that had been her sanctuary as a child. "I know I have work to do on myself. And I know that I don't deserve Alec's forgiveness. But..." She swallowed hard, worried at what Tess would say, now that she was riled up. "I still love him, Tess. In a way I never loved Bronn. And I don't want him because I need him to tell me I'm beautiful or smart. I want him because he's stubborn, and cold, and infuriating!! But I love him." She couldn't help the smile playing at her lips. Oh, complicated Alec. She'd take all the complications in the world, if it meant she could have him back.

Tess sighed and looked down at the grounds. When they were young, they would run around, trying to get their brooms and fly high, Tess always the better flyer, and Victoria muttering about how riding a broom was stupid, but she tried to follow. They experienced their first snowfall in Hogwarts at the grounds, with their heads up and their tongues out to catch a few snowflakes. Or their first trip to Hogsmeade where they had eaten more than they could handle. Tess' mouth twitched, as she ignored those nostalgic thought.

"All that sounds merry, being free and equal in a relationship, but can I tell you one thing? You've never given yourself a chance to be alone, to enjoy how great it can be. Yes sometimes you miss...you miss someone being there, but knowing yourself apart from another's perspective it's great. You're nearly twenty one, and yet you've never truly allowed yourself to know who you are alone. How do you know who you are?"

Love, it was always about love with Victoria. She knew that perhaps she was a bit emotionally stunted because of her family, but despite their coldness, they had made her ready for life. She knew how cold and alone the real world was, after all she was thrown into it at a young age once her goal was chosen. She wrapped her arms around herself comfortably. She wasn't made of stone though, she felt, she had loved, and it had hurt, and she nearly loved now, but was wary.

'Not all people will love you, so get used to it Tess.'

'Attachment and love will be your downfall, so stop crying.'

'Use your brain not your heart, because that is your advantage, so stop sniveling and look at your brother.'

Stop being weak Tess, don't be a failure. Remember it's better to be feared than loved, because love can be fickle but fear...it is hard to get rid of.'

She had all those memories there, telling her to be careful. And she was successful, she wasn't the crying mess now, but then again she wasn't the one in love. She looked at her friend from the corner of her eye and frowned seeing her looking such a mess.

"You're making me sick" she said bluntly. "Stop telling yourself you're not good enough for my brother. It sickens me. So you slept with another idiot bloke, and you hurt him but you know what, the more you haunt yourself with it the more pathetic you are in his eyes."

Seeing a light amount of snowfall she sighed.

"You might love him, but you don't really know him."

A part of Victoria felt hollow. Hearing Tess, and her opinions, she realized how much Tess had grown from their high school years. She remembered how hard it was for her, growing up in a family that didn't really support her decisions. Seeing the memories moving across her friends eyes, Victoria laid her head on Tess's shoulder.

The anger out of her voice, she sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. I think differently about these things. It's like...everything I do, every decision I make, is a way of finding out who I am. I don't worry about pinning it all down, because I believe that people can change, and that they do." It may sound loony to her logical friend, but it was true. Victoria was always an open book, and by getting to know other people, learning other points of view, she acclimated to what she believed in.

She scrunched her nose at Tess's bluntness. It wasn't like her. She was usually more tactful. "Fine, then. I'll have hope, like you said." It was hard to understand what to say about this. A part of her wanted to have hope. Hope that Alec would somehow find a way to forgive her. But would it be logical for him to do so? No. And Tess saying he was a man ruled by logic crushed those thoughts. So, what now?

"Maybe I don't know him as well as I should. But it wasn't for lack of wanting to, please know that. He just...wouldn't let me in." Her mouth went dry at the memory of his words. He'd said he loved her.

Tess let out a small smile as her taller friend leaned in for comfort. She wrapped her arm around her shoulder and sighed knowing that despite everything, that's why she loved her best friend, because she was so giving. It would be her her greatest failure, or her biggest success depending on what she did.

She sighed hearing her talk, trying to take everything in. So it didn't make sense, but she tried to grasp what she could. Victoria would never really live up to the expectations in her family and perhaps that was for the best; her way of living was learning from mistakes. It wasn't wrong, a lot of people did that too, but in her family...you learn from other's mistakes, and you try to avoid messing up as much as possible. Failure is never an option.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled. "Look....I don't mean to sound cold but..you just reminded me of someone, someone broken and I just can't see you heartbroken."

She closed her eyes thinking of how she knew the feeling of incompetence too well. While Victoria dealt with it during her heartbreak, she dealt with it through missed opportunities and failures in general. It wasn't the same, but she tried to understand.

"Just keep hoping, there's only so much that he can keep inside. You know he relies on your weakened emotions to crush you right? I know you, I know that you probably cried during the confrontations, because his words stung. He's damn good at that."

...just like daddy. she added in her head. Alec was definitely predictable, if he was anything like their father. And knowing how Victoria was, she cried, letting him see the degree of her pain, yet that was her downfall. When hurt, there was no fury like one of the Blacks.

"You know you can't keep saying that as your excuse" she commented. "You know he said he loved you, that means that you got in deep, you just never observed, deduced him in a way where you knew him better. Your emotion got to him, your love...he told me how you told him you loved him earlier before he was ready and how you had freaked out."

She sighed and hugged her close.

"My suggestions Vic, is that you cry your heart's delight indoors away from everyone, and be the mask of indifference when you are around him. Confuse him, entice him, and maybe you toying with his mind might get him."