Caelum felt disgusted, he felt dirty, he felt sick to the core. His stomach churned violently as he fell out of the fireplace, arms flailing wildly as he tried to catch himself. His hands scraped against the wooden floorboards, ripping at the skin and a few splinters slid into his hands. His head smashed against the floor with an audible sound and the next moment, the silence that had followed the 'thump' was filled with dry, heaving, broken sobs. His entire body shook violently as he pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, retching a few times. His hand still hurt from punching Adonis, and then... he'd punched Tilly, the one person who meant more to him than Donnie. He sobbed again and struggled not to gag. He forced himself up and pulled out the splinters after several minutes of struggling to see due to tears blurring his vision.

He'd let that monster loose, the rage monster that no one was meant to see. Alcyone saw it, the day Capella died, the day he killed his tutor, the day he tried to kill his parents, the day he DID kill his parents. Alcyone had seen him at his weakest moments, at that moment when he was no longer Caelum Malfoy, but a darker force that would kill his best friend with a smirk on his face. All because Donnie crossed that line, when Caelum needed it least. He stumbled several steps and smashed into the wall, sliding down it. He held his head in his hands, body trembling and shaking as he sobbed and sobbed. He couldn't stop them now that they'd started.

He wanted to die. He'd punched Donnie, broken his nose, probably broken his jaw of his cheek or - fuck he didn't even know what he'd done, all he knew was he'd punched Donnie more than he should've. He shouldn't've even punched his best friend at all. And then, Tilly... he'd punched Tilly, right in the jaw, and he'd heard that crunch. He started sobbing even harder and forced himself to stand up, bracing himself against the wall with a hand as his body stooped. His tears fell onto the floor and he tried desperately to make it to his wand on the floor where he'd landed out of the floo network, to get Alcy. He needed her. However, he was too weak and crumpled to the floor. He leant back against the wall and held his head again.

The spinning sensation stopped, and Jay's hair fell down from around her head. She stepped tentatively out of the fireplace and brushed the soot off of her. "Cae?" she called softly. Sobbing was echoing through out the house, not to mention numerous crashes and thumps. Jaycie swallowed past the lump in her throat and took a deep breath in.

The stench of vomit hit her nostrils like an atomic bomb. Glancing down, a pile of bile lay spattered on the floor a few feet in front of her. She pulled out her wand and waved it, muttering "Scourgify," as she did so. The vomit bubbled and then disappeared, taking with it the rank smell.

Worry in her eyes, she cast a glance around to find Caelum. He lay in an awkward heap, face hidden, slumped against the far wall. She hurried over to him, the brokenness of his situation scaring her. "Cae," she breathed, taking hold of his shaking form and pulling him into her arms. Jaycie rested her chin on his hair, two tears slipping from her own eyes unexpectedly.

The last person in the world that Caelum wanted to see in that moment was the girl who had captured his heart since he was just a little kid, was Jaycie Simple. He heard the whoosh of the fire but couldn't do anything to move, hearing a murmur and feeling a disturbance of magic in the air.

And then, her beautiful, sing-song angelic voice drifted to his ears, his nickname on her lips. He cringed as she came over and held him to her. For a moment, he desperately wanted to hold her tightly in his arms too and cry against her, but then he remember he was a monster and he pushed her away as gently as he could but with enough force to separate them.

"Don't come near me," he said in a voice hoarse from gagging and sobbing hysterically. "I'm a monster." He felt another sob rattle his chest.

It felt like Cae was going to stay, let her comfort him for a split second when he was in her arms. But then he pushed her off, like she knew he would. Her heart wrenched and her arms trailed after him. He was sobbing; Caelum certainly looked a mess. His hair was not messy, but tangled; his cheeks red and puffy; his eyes could not stop pouring like a waterfall.

Her emotions felt not her own any more. A sad laugh escaped Jay's lips. "Oh Caelum," she said softly. "Oh my darling. You could never be a monster, no matter how hard you tried." She reached out and cradled him, even against his will as Jaycie knew he would struggle.

Jaycie held him against her tightly, still softly chuckling into his hair. Her own tears had started to slip, unbeknownst to her, and land like raindrops in his tousled hair. Jay ran her hands up and started to comb through it in an effort to calm Cae, like she would her little sister after a nightmare.

He knew she wouldn't just give up, like he wished she would. Why did she have to be so loving, so caring? So un-afraid? Merlin, why did she have to be so PERFECT? He wanted to just hold her tightly and selfishly let her soothe him, but he didn't want to. He was so confused. His head ached painfully as the thoughts whirled around and around.

"I am a monster, Jaycie, you don't understand. Didn't you see me? I punched Tilly. I punched Donnie. All because I got jealous, and then I just lost control. I tried to take out loosing Capella on him. You'd think killing my parents and my tutor would be enough, but it's not." He clenched his hands in a fist.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He roared, shoving her back roughly this time and jumping up. "GET AWAY FROM ME, I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU!" He shook his head, tears drying up as he grit his teeth.

Jay could clearly see the pain and the tiredness etched into his face. His eyes brimmed with confusion and self-loathing. She felt partially winded as he shoved her back away from her. Jay lay on the floor for a second, stunned and confused, before rising slowly to her feet.

"Caelum, I'm telling you to calm down right now," Jaycie said, her eyes boring into his. "Otherwise, you really will hurt me."

His words whizzed through her head, and she latched on to the meaning of very few. She paused a second, turning to him. "Jealous of what, Cae?" Her eyes sparked with curiosity, and though she felt she knew, Jay refused to admit that would be the answer. Caelum had let something spill by accident, she knew.

She stepped forward tentatively, her eyes searching his, all the while peripherally checking his body language just in case he lashed out. Jay had been through this before with Caelum, seeing as he'd lived with her for the better part of their school years. But every other time, she'd had Alcy with her... something in her gut told Jaycie that this time, Alcyone probably wouldn't help.

Caelum was so scared of himself right now, scared that he'd hurt her. He wished that she hadn't followed after him, he hated the thought that in a moment of anger he might hurt her. Lash out, punch her, slap her, throw her against the wall, like he'd done to Alcyone one. The memory was fresh in his head, him grabbing his sister by the hair and smashing her against the wall, seeing her as someone she wasn't.

To picture his hand fisted in Jaycie's hair in a manner that wasn't because of something entirely different, to see him pushing her against the wall and to see tears falling down her cheeks because of the pain HE caused her was not a pretty sight.

His eyes flickered with surprise as he realised how roughly he'd pushed her. "Jaycie, i'm sorry are- are you okay?" He whispered, sobering up completely.

He felt his cheeks flush slightly, but he quickly took her in his arms, holding her tightly. Having her there, it proved to him that he must mean something to her, even if it wasn't exactly what he wanted. But maybe it was. Maybe she felt the same way. He wouldn't know unless he tried. "I was jealous over the fact that you might like him instead of liking me," he whispered, his lips hovering by her ear.

There was a glimmer in Caelum's eyes that Jay had seen too much before. He was scared, and she could only guess he was scared of himself. Jaycie knew, if only by brushing the surface, that Caelum had major issues with himself. He knew not how to control himself... and that was why herself and Alcyone had always been there to reel him in.

Today was no different.

There was no way Jaycie was going to leave Caelum out here on his own. No way in hell. "I'm fine. There's no need for you to worry about me," she said gently.

His warm embrace surrounded her and she pulled him in closer in a comforting way. Although it sent her head spinning and made her dizzy to have Cae this close and all to herself, Jay was not thinking about herself - the thought wouldn't cross her mind until later. Her breath hitched in her throat as he spoke those last words and she stayed silent for a moment, breathing in his warm, musky smell in an effort to calm her racing heart.

"How could I ever notice someone else when you're in the room?" Jaycie confessed softly, spurred by the hope that he had given her from what he'd just said.

Caelum was absolutely terrified, and one look at Jay confirmed that she knew it too. That loving, caring look was on her face that she and Alcy had both adopted when he'd had his breakdowns at a younger age. He felt safe and secure just seeing her face, but then he felt another wave of fear as he desperately didn't want to hurt Jay. He opened his mouth as if to tell her to go away.

No words would come.

He could feel his entire body trembling violently and he had a sudden urge to just punch the wall and mutter expletives. He also wanted to just hold her close to him and breath in her scent, knowing it might calm him down. "I'm sorry." He whispered again.

She was so soft, so warm in his arms. Her beautiful scent engulfed him and he felt himself become lost in the feeling of her. Merlin, he'd never wanted to kiss the woman this bad in his entire life. He felt so emotionally vulnerable, so weak and frightened, and there she was just being Jaycie, being perfect. And he knew she was his only piece of sanity. He felt his jaw drop open at her own confession.

Before he could even think about it, one of his hands moved up to her face, tucking her lovely golden locks behind her ear and then cupping her face. He hesitantly leant towards her, stopping when his lips were no more than an inch from hers, searching her eyes for any sign she wanted him to stop.

Conflicting emotions traumatized Caelum's eyes. It was as if his mind couldn't settle for one feeling - one moment he's calm, cool, collected, the next breaking down inside, wanting to lash out. Jaycie's heart almost tore in two for the torment he was enduring. He was so scared, he didn't know himself anymore...

An enormous, violent shudder coursed through Cae's body and sent a stray spark whizzing down Jay's spine. It was certainly bone-chilling, and it made her insides tumble about. Cae's grip seemed to tighten around her, but Jaycie didn't mind and clung back to him, not willing to let this moment pass.

Jay said nothing, and instead felt tears prick her eyes. Her emotions were tumbling about inside her, as if she was far too sensitive to Cae's for her own good. She couldn't believe she'd just told him what she'd wanted him to hear for so long... too long, almost.

Her heart beat so fast it was painful. Jay couldn't stop staring into Caelum's amazing eyes, so beautiful and sad; his touch made the butterflies in her stomach jump about and before she knew it, before Jay could stop herself, she continued the movement started impulsively by the man in front of her. Jay's lips collided with his and she closed her eyes, letting go of everything and just loosing herself in the moment.

Caelum was all over the place, he hadn't been this messed up in a long time. He would have to start taking his anti-depressants again, something he didn't enjoy doing. It made him feel weak, it made him feel pathetic, he hated it. He'd been so pathetic when he was young, un-able to protect Alcy, un-able to protect Ella from her youthful death.

And there was that rage again, and he wanted to punch Jay because he didn't see her, he saw his parents. He saw their approval of Ella's rape, of her death. His hand lifted to strike her, but he blinked and she was back and he dropped his hand again, almost scrambling to get away from her but then holding her close to calm himself down.

A sob wracked through his body, following the angry shiver that had previously run through him. He could feel himself calming down as he stared into her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. He needed her so much, he couldn't imagine life without her.

He would be an un-controllable rage monster without her. But now she was here, in his arms, his hand cupping her cheek as he stroked his thumb over it gently. She closed the gap between them, and his lips were at first very soft and feather light against hers, before he started to kiss her back with a need. He needed to be whole again, and she made him feel like a human being. His other hand slid up her back to her hair, tangling in the locks.