Alec had tried to contact his best friend for about a week now. He knew that he wasn't the best person at the moment considering that he had not thought of him too busy paying attention to Victoria. He had gotten a message when he was released and that he was alright, but ever since then he had gone off the radar.

They were on a break, no cases that took any of their interests, but he needed to see Dorian to see how he was. He would feel guilty if he didn't try to see how he was. Using the spare key he pushed the door open.

"Dorian?"

Dorian opened his eyes. He'd fallen asleep in his favorite chair in front of his fireplace, watching the embers die down. He smelled like whiskey. Looking down he noticed that he'd spilled his almost empty glass all over himself. Trying to figure out what'd woke him up, he scratched at the stubble building on his chin.

He finally noticed that the door was open when a shadow obscured the light. Turning his head, his eyes widened. "Alec."

The man was lucky Dorian loved him like a brother, or else he would throw him out on his ass. He knew he was in terrible shape, but he also knew he had to come out of it sometime. "What do you want?"

Alec was shocked to see just how terrible Dorian looked. He leaned against the door frame observing him. He smelled like alcohol, he was unshaven, and his hair looked a mess. He walked in and kicked the door closed and wrinkled his nose at the smell reverberating from his best friend.

"What he fuck happened to you?" he asked seriously.

He noticed that the class container holding his usual drink was nearly empty and his eyes weren't that focused.

Dorian ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it. Part of him wanted to have a snappy comeback for Alec, like he usually did. But the majority of him, the majority that had shut the door on the outside world for most of the past week wouldn't let him.

He grabbed for the almost empty bottle, reusing his glass from the night before. Downing it in one go, he looked back up at Alec. "Women. Always fucking women."

It was true. Ever since he'd opened up to Tess, he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind. But it also surfaced so many memories of Rose. After one day of trying to logic himself out of his slump, he finally gave up. He wasn't worth Tess's time, and he never would be. He'd been drinking for three days straight.

Alec raised his brow surprised at her comment. Women never caused Dorian to react like this. He sat down across from him, which happened to be his designated chair. His friend never sounded so bitter it surprised him, out of the pair, Dorian was the calmer one.

"Women in general, or a woman?" he asked.

He never figured Dorian to be the kind to dwell on a relationship since..he just didn't seem like that type. And now that he was closer he smelled all the worst.

"How long have you been at it?"

Dorian finally let a smirk form. "Yes." He couldn't really tell Alec that one of the women haunting him was his Alec's sister, now could he. Especially since she had rejected him. He'd been in and out of drunken stupors, seeing her eyes when he closed his own. But it was always with a hint of guilt.

Feeling like the chain around his neck weighed a hundred pounds, he cluched at the material surrounding it. He stared at the small glow of ember that hadn't quite died out. "I think about three days. Though I'm not quite sure." He let out a short laugh. "Should have seen me before the whiskey."

He hadn't eaten much, losing himself in his memories. At least with the alcohol he was able to sleep some, if not peacefully, then soundly.

Alec frowned really worried about Dorian. He hadn't been like this since Rose. He sighed and got up to go to the kitchen. He knew that his best mate needed some coffee and began to make a pot. In the meantime he came back and took the alcohol from him.

"You reek, go change while I clean up here" he said grumbling. "Go!"

Women were going to be the death of Dorian. When he had a woman on his mind it was hard to get him out of his stupor and whoever this woman was, she was getting him good. He wasn't going to talk, whether it be for the sake of his sanity, or his pride.

"Merlin I came here to be a mother" he muttered as he picked up the trash and throwing it.

Washing his hands he then began to make Dorian a sandwich, that he could do on his own without need of catering. Once he was done he waited for him to come out.

Grumbling a bit, more to spite Alec than from actual reluctance, Dorian stumbled into his bathroom. Stripping off his cloths, he winced at the still aching gash at his leg. He turned the water to almost scalding and climbed in. He wished it could wipe away his memories, too. With a small grimace he knew he had to tell Alec.

Toweling his hair, he walked into the kitchen and leaned on the door frame. He smirked, feeling a little closer to normal. "So whats for breakfast, ma?" Alec wasn't the kind of man to talk about feelings, but he knew how to show he cared. Sobering a little, he looked at his best mate. "Thanks."

He knew it was time to talk. He'd been holding everything in for years. He was good, that's why he'd gone into Auror work. He could push everything away and focus. But once in a while it bit him in the ass. Like on the last case. Which led him here.

Alec flipped him the finger before sliding the sandwich towards Dorian. At least he was trying to have some sort of humor in the situation. Maybe he was a bit brighter, at least he smelled better. He looked exhausted though, that was clear through his eyes.

"Anytime" he replied.

He had no idea what was wrong with his best mate, but it seemed serious. He waited for him to eat, and let him try to speak when he felt himself wanting to talk.

Dorian let out a short laugh at Alec flipping him the finger. Such was their friendship. He grabbed the cold chicken sandwich, still surprised when Alec put together something edible. He leaned against the counter and started in on it.

After a few bites, and a few minutes, he looked at Alec. He sighed, not sure where to start with it all. "So...I met this girl." That wasn't really true. He'd known Tess for years, but as a potential...whatever they could be, that had only just happened.

He focused on his sandwich, probably harder than necessary. "I took her on a date, which I totally fucked up. And I made a total fool of myself. And...it's more than that." Merlin... He didn't even know how to explain everything about Rose.

He slid the coffee towards his friend and took a cup for himself, wincing at the bitterness but preferred it. Seeing Dorian eat was a relief, he really worried him, since he looked a bit sick. Hearing him laugh made him smirk, at least he had his sense of humor.

Alec raised his brow and waved his hand telling him to go on. It was always a certain girl, that's how Dorian was. But as he began to explain the date, it seemed that it not only that it went wrong but it scarred him, or reminded him of something.

"Go on" he said.

Dorian took the coffee reluctantly. He drank it for the caffeine, not for the taste. Especially when Alec made it. But he drank it anyways. Finishing the sandwich, he walked back into the living room, figuring he'd rather be comfortable when spilling his guts than not.

Once he was settled back into his favorite chair, he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know where to start." There was so much he hadn't told Alec about what had happened with Rose. So much he'd been burying over the years. He just hoped Alec wouldn't hold his silence against him, since he wasn't Mr. Feelings himself.

"So, you know how I told you Rose died?" Dorian had met Rose through a mission they'd done in France. They'd dated for two years before Dorian went to France on a vacation. When he came back, all he'd told Alec was that she had died and he didn't want to talk about it. He'd buried it all. "I never mentioned that I went there to propose." He gently pulled of the chain he wore around his neck. Around it was the ring he'd intended to give her.

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Alec picked up the bitter coffee and followed his friend along. Dorian was going to open up, that was how he was, if Alec went to find him, then his best mate would open up. So he stayed quiet waiting for him to express himself.

Rose...that woman Rose. He had met her once, she was a pretty thing, nothing that special, but Dorian had been infatuated. He remembered how Dorian would plan the trips and head off, and come back with a big grin that soon dimmed as he spent time away from Rose. It always bothered him how she had changed his friend, but he figured that was because he was selfish and younger back then.

But at the mention of him thinking of proposing, he was wide-eyed and tried to figure out what to say.

"Oh...you were going to..ask her to marry you. You were that serious."

He looked down at his cup wondering why he would mention this.

"She's still bothering you, she's the woman that brought you down this road? Again?"

Dorian sneered at Alec. "Fuck you, mate." He didn't take it personally. As far as he knew, Alec had never loved anyone other than himself. But his reaction did make him want to go back to drinking.

Before Rose, Dorian had been like Alec. Not really caring about the women he bedded, just having fun as a bachelor. So when he'd come back from France the last time, he'd pretended to go back to that. Back to a life where sex meant nothing and he never got close to anyone. He'd lived like that since, using it as a mask.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto the chair. "Yes. I was that serious." And he was sure she would have said yes. He'd kept it on the downlow from Alec, not wanting to get heat from him before he took the final step. He'd still been scared out of his wits about it.

"What I never told you was that I'd been followed to France that last time. One of our old cases, an old Voldemort follower. He snuck up on us when I took her to a park to actually propose. He..." Dorian swallowed, trying to get the words he'd never said out loud to come out. "He killed her and I didn't see him coming. She died because of me." He ran his fingers over the scars on his hand. She'd gripped him so hard as she spoke her last words that she'd drawn blood.

Alec didn't take the comment to heart. Love was hard for him to really take in, he understood the idea of family love, he loved his mother, father and sister, but love to another was confusing.

But as he explained it he was confused. Hadn't he not been sleeping around, and he looked so much better than he had when he had lost her. But him telling the story, he felt his heart strings being tugged. His poor best friend had dealt with heartbreak and he frowned.

"Dorian...it's not your fault, you didn't know" he said softly. "You're my best mate, and I mean it honestly. It was...it was her time to go, and while she had to leave you made you happy for as long as she possibly could. You shouldn't dwell on her death, but have good memories of her life."

Dorian just stared at Alec, his face devoid of emotion. He felt like he'd gotten all his emotion out in the past few days, and that he really didn't have much left. "Like hell it's not my fault. If I wouldn't have went, he wouldn't have followed me. Why the hell am I an Auror if I can't protect people."

He took a deep breath. Staring into the nearly dead fire, he decided to lay all his cards on the table. "Look, Alec, I'm not who you think I am. I...that changed me. I've been pretending for so long now. But I don't want to do this shit anymore." He ran a hand through his still damp hair. "The nameless women. The one night stands. No connections. Nothing real. I hate it. I...she made me want more."

He'd been feeling this way for a while, but Tess had been the final straw. The fire and passion she had for love had stirred something in him. And there was no going back.

Alec frowned and looked at him with equal fervor. He leaned forward and leaned on his elbows.

"You're an Auror, not a super hero. You didn't know it was going to happen, and she willingly went. Sometimes, as hard as it is things aren't meant to be perfect."

He felt a bit uncomfortable saying this, especially because it was a bit out of character. For Dorian, he was willing to be more open, more open to emotions. He looked down at the floor hearing him talk. His friend was faking his life since then, being happy. That was a bit hurtful because he didn't feel secure enough to tell him that.

"Why couldn't you tell me that?" he asked sincerely. "Did you think I wouldn't be able to understand?"

Dorian didn't really want to hear this part. The logical part of him knew that he shouldn't blame himself. But, he guessed, the latent romantic in him told him he should be able to protect those he loves.

He sighed. This was what he was afraid of. "It's not that I didn't think you would understand, I know you're not an idiot. But understanding and really knowing what it's like is completely different." He was sure Alec would have done the exact thing he was doing now. Trying to get him to see that it wasn't his fault and say that there's more fish in the sea.

"I guess I wanted to protect you. From me. From what I wanted. The life you live...the life I live, it's easy. It safe. But it's not enough for me anymore. And I didn't want you to have to pay for it." They were the same age, but Dorian had always felt protective of Alec. While he'd gotten the same attention from women throughout their lives, Alec always seemed like the one that was a little more...daring with it. Sometimes Dorian didn't give anything away with his one night conquests. Even his name.

"I guess I figured that if I just acted like everything was okay, then it would be. And I thought it was working. Until I met this girl. And she blew everything out of the water." He kind of wished he'd never asked Tess out. But it was a strange relief not to have to pretend anymore. And when he really thought about it, the pain of his memories were worth it for the fire she started in him.

Alec looked down at his cup of terrible coffee and took a long sip wincing at the bitterness. It really matched the feelings he felt. He felt as if he had forced him to keep it a secret, that he wasn't capable of understanding his best mate. He knew that him at the time of the incident wasn't the most understanding man ever but he would have tried, especially for his best friend.

"You're a prick" he said simply. "If you wanted to become a tied down man, despite of how I would have complained then, I would have been there with you, even going to that shop to help you get the ring."

He shook his head at his coping method. It was so Dorian, pretend it was alright and in a while it would be. It wasn't healthy, nor was it smart.

"What happened with this new girl?"

Dorian felt like shit. He always did when he held things back from Alec. Not that it was common practice, but he'd done it before, if he thought it was best. Dorian was protective, at heart, even if it meant protecting people from themselves.

He sighed and clenched his fist. He wanted nothing more than to pour half the bottle of whiskey into his coffee and down it right there. But he didn't, and that meant more. "I really am. And I'm sorry for keeping it from you." Clearing his throat, he looked down at his coffee. They were still full grown men, after all. He was so unused to sharing emotions with Alec that it was strange doing so.

Shoulders tensing, Dorian closed his eyes. He could see her eyes flashing brightly in the moonlight, her flushed skin so pale. But it was her words that had worked their way inside him, eating away at his resolve. Words he never would have expected from Alec's sister. "She's fearless, mate. Beautiful, heartbreaking, awkward. And a wit that cuts like none other." He knew he sounded like a lovesick teenager, but it was true.

"For the first time since Rose, she made me believe I could feel that again. Of course, that was before I snogged her brains out. But we were both drunk." Dorian couldn't help but smirk. He was still himself, after all.

Alec shook his head and waved him off. He didn't want to hear sorry or make him feel guilty, he was just being honest. He took another sip of coffee and put it down wincing at how terrible it is.

"I know you're my mate and all but you can tell me my coffee is shitty, I wouldn't have minded" he said smirking.

Hearing his friend describe her, he was surprised this person even existed. Fearless, beautiful, and heartbreaking? What a mix, but obviously it had affected Dorian more than he'd like. At the awkward part he laughed wondering what the hell got to his friend. That didn't sound like his type at all, but then again neither did commitment.

"That's my boy" he said kicking Dorian's leg lightly. "How did you fuck up then? Sounds like a good date to me."

Dorian lauged. "You're coffee's always shit. I was starting to wonder if your tastebuds had died off." Or maybe the whiskey had killed his own. He crossed to his own liquor table and poured them both a small bit of his best brandy. Nothing close to getting eithe of them tipsy, but mostly to wash the taste of the coffee out of their mouths. And since they were on a more even ground, it just felt natural.

He sighed quietly. If it had just been snogging, that would have been a great date. "Well, first there was some awkward conversation. Then she took me saying I wanted to get to know her as 'I just want to be friends'." He grimaced at that, not sure if he'd ever be able to dig himself out of that hole.

Passing the second glass to Alec, he sat back down. "Then there was a heated argument, because I basically told her she didn't understand love. She slapped me. I side apparated with her. She yelled some more..." He closed his eyes, not used to sharing this much. "What she said kinda just...broke through. I made a right fool of myself."

Alec took the glass and drank it, looking at Dorian hoping he wouldn't drown himself in sorrows again. He just looked exhausted emotionally and physically. He personally hadn't really ever paid attention to Rose, never really saw anything there but Dorian did and it was obvious she was still very much in his memories haunting him.

Laughter bubble forth and he was trying to stop himself but couldn't. He began to cough as he tried to swallow the liquid and avoid laughing. He wiped a few tears of laughter and shook his head.

"You really are rusty aren't you? That or she doesn't find you attractive enough, so you're friend zoned" he teased.

The amusement died down as Dorian told him basically how stupid he was. How did could he say that to a woman, especially one that was regarded so highly. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration for his friend.

"You told a woman that she didn't understand love?! You're daft man, that was your downfall. Even the snog couldn't have saved you. I suggest you just get her out of your system, you let that died."

Dorian threw back the small amount of liquor. It wasn't nearly enough to do anything, and he set it down. "I know I'm fucking rusty! I even told her as much. Which led her to think I was reconsidering the date. Which led to me trying to reasure her. WHICH led to her thinking I just wanted to be friends cause I 'wanted to get to know her better'." He rolled his eyes. "Women."

He shook his head. Alec was his best friend, but he wasn't about to tell him how he'd cried in front of his date. Especially since it was Tess. But at Alec's suggestion to just 'get her out of his system', he scoffed. "You know me better than that, mate. I don't give up." Even with one night stands, he always got the women he went for, no matter what. He didn't know how to fail.

More than that. He couldn't even begin to think of not seeing Tess again. She was all he'd thought about, besides memories of Rose. He had spoke honestly when he said she made him want more. And not just in general, but with her.

Alec shook his head, Dorian was a fruitless cause, he was stubborn, a stubborn bastard that got his way. He reminded him of Tess sometimes and how she'd stick to her guns even if she was wrong. He poured another glass for himself and drank a bit more.

"You poor fool, it's a useless cause I'm telling you. She won't want to see you if you messed up that royally." he advised him. "Sex is one thing, a good thing...a very good thing actually..but it's different than a..wait what do you want out of this poor girl?"