Victoria found her feet leading her into a quiet clearing. She'd spent much her childhood running through the trees in the Forbidden Forest, more at home there than in the stifling stone. But she'd never been to this particular clearing. It was beautiful, peaceful. Just what she needed.

The last few weeks had been strange. She'd only seen Tess a few times, mostly for only a few hours. Most of her time was spent wandering, thinking. She was trying to learn her own mind, to reign in her emotions. She couldn't cry forever.

Every bone in her body ached to see Alec. To go to him, even if it meant another tongue lashing. Just to see him, hear his voice. She couldn't even fathom how he was coping with what she'd done.

Snow started to fall lightly, one flake sticking to her eyelash. She let out a soft smile at the beauty of nature. It was always here for her. Never judging, never leaving.

Alec couldn't believe he was walking through the halls of Hogwarts once more. He had taken this part-time job as a joke, well not really...he missed Hogwarts in his own way. It had brought him knowledge, the idea of who he was, and his best friend Dorian. He was convinced by Dorian himself to take the job after all he could leave during cases.

He needed to clear his mind, get away from everything and not dwell on the pain of everything. He hadn't thought of her any more, he told himself she wasn't worth it, nor was she worth him getting wasted beyond belief.

Walking down to the Grounds he took in a deep breath, enjoying the smells he missed so much. He knew that Occlumency would be something that he could teach properly, and so he took the job not caring about his personal life.

Victoria conjured a simple bench in the clearing. She could have done a chair, but thought it would look stupid. Sitting down, she cast a warming charm around herself. She could hear rustling in the trees, quiet crunching in the snow. But she wasn't frightened. A benefit from working with dragons, she could interact with creatures rather well.

As the noises died down he closed her eyes and started to hum. The snow, the warming charm. It made her think back to the day her and Alec had shared by the lake. Sharing touches, and secrets. It had been the best day she'd had in...she couldn't remember how long. He'd finally opened up...and she'd destroyed it.

She could feel the pin pricks behind her eyes, but they were nothing but an irritation. She'd been getting better and better at hiding her emotions. Especially after her friend Albus had been able to see them so clearly on her face. She didn't need to upset the students.

Feeling the emotions swirling inside of her, she felt the power of control. With her eyes closed, she began swaying to the music in her mind. "Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather. Since my man and I ain't together..." She let the song engulf her, letting the words carry all her pain out into the accepting nature.

Alec pushed through the bushes and winced seeing that they needed to be cut. Honestly certain parts of Hogwarts were going down the drain. Pushing through he saw someone against the bench and lifted his brow.

Who in their right mind would be here, sitting in the cold. He ignored the fact that he himself was walking in the cold snow as well. But for him the snow let him breathe in the cold and clear his mind.

Walking closer he heard someone humming something, not quite catching the words. He pulled his Hogwarts cloak closer to his body and walked towards the clearing avoiding whoever they were, not wanting to bother them and their...moment.

As she reached the end of her song, Victoria looked down at her hand. Tess had done a good job on it. The cut had healed well, with minimal pain. Only a slight discoloration showed that anything had happened at all. She smirked. It was a reminder of what she'd done. The pain she'd caused.

She'd left the flat to get perspective. To learn better what she wanted. Who she wanted. While at the school, she'd had lots of time to think. She did love them both, Bronn and Alec. But Bronn was her past. Her beautiful, innocent, emotional past. When he'd lead the raid, it had changed her. Not just how she saw him, but everything. She'd been raw, she'd felt pain like she never had before.

But Alec had shown her that there was still hope. That the world didn't end when the love you once had died. That there was beauty out there. And that there is strength in control, something she'd never thought was possible. But as she'd spent more and more time in the halls of her old home, she'd drawn more and more inside of herself. Holding the feelings in, shaping them, honing them.

Her song changed. She knew that the old her would be balling at just hearing the song, but now? Now her heart just ached. She let the words come out full force, singing to the trees since there were no birds. "You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head, while you never shed a tear. Remember, I remember, all that you said..."

Alec walked a few feet from the person. He didn't want to intrude on their privacy, nor was he in a mood to talk to anyone. He had gotten a few owls from his sister. He tugged out the owl and read it, sighing at how worried she sounded, seemed unlike her, at least since it was directed to him.

Dearest Alec,

How are you? I know that we haven't talked since the day we went out for coffee. I know that I didn't really mention it, but I did enjoy your company. I admit there there are moments when I miss you dearly. I know that it is both our faults, but I hold the heavier blame because of my stubbornness.

I know that you don't really understand my admittance to things, considering I rarely mention it, but I say this because I want you to understand that I love you. I care about you and you are worrying me. I know that you are hurt, because of her but realize that while I am her best friend, and am very disappointed, I worry how you are taking it. I know how you felt....and I wish you to get better. Please reply?

Lots of love and concern,
Tess

He smiled despite himself, she was worried or else she would have never admitted that to him. He knew that she was worried at how he'd react and how he was dealing with it, he appreciated it he really did, but he hadn't responded. He put the owl away in his pocket and picked up a few stones. He threw them in the snow and ignored the loneliness of being surrounded by snow.

Victoria wrinkled her nose. That was a terrible song for right now. Looking up into the sky, watching the flakes fall, she heard the crunch of footsteps in the snow. They sounded steady, and human. There was another sound too, but she couldn't place it.

Reigning in her emotions, she expected to see a fellow professor. Students...well, most students...didn't come into the forest. They didn't seem as wreckless as she had been at their age. It had been one thing, to open up to Albus, but she didn't know the other teachers well enough for that.

Sure that she was presentable, she turned on the bench, intending to invite them to sit with her in the warmth. As she saw who it was though, it felt like her heart had stopped completely. She felt the icy cold from that night, as if she was still huddled in the snow. She felt every beat of her heart, thankful it still worked. Her mouth hung open just slightly, in shock. Her hand gripping the back of the bench lightly, the only indication of the turmoil in her heart.

After what felt like forever, thought it was probably mere seconds, she whispered his name.

Alec hummed wondering why he was here, it was weird, that his reminiscing had brought him there. He wanted to go to his old dorm, but he had just been pulled this direction. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath letting the sharp cold air hit his face.

He was surprised to hear himself looking behind him as he heard a whisper. Maybe he was imagining it, but as he looked towards his left, his eyes widened with surprise seeing her there. Oh Merlin it just had to be this way didn't it?! How stupid could he be? Of course she was here, of course, because he was too stupid to figure out that she was the Head of Hufflepuff here. He rubbed his temples and groaned.

He needed to get out of here, he felt the non-existent walls close in and he needed to run to be able to breathe. He nodded her direction stiffly, before walking up the path. He couldn't see her anymore, it stung.

As Victoria saw him turn to leave, she leaped to her feet. "Please don't go!" Her hand clasped over her mouth; it had betrayed her. She'd been trying to learn to control her feelings, her outbursts, but she still had a long way to go. By no means did she want him to go, but it was probably worse for him if he stayed.

Clenching her hand at her side, she walked over to him slowly, never averting her gaze. It wasn't defiant, she knew she had no right to ask anything of him, but she couldn't look away. Until now, she hadn't even been sure she would ever see him again.

She couldn't read him. A small, analytical part of her brain wondered if she'd ever get that good. It wasn't that she wanted to banish emotions. No, they were all there, just under the surface, screaming to break through. But she didn't want them to get in the way of this moment. Of just memorizing everything about him, before he left, or yelled, or hurt her.

Alec was walking back to the castle, he ignored her looking at him, her gaze bothered him. It made him sick at the thought that he wanted to make her pained look disappear. But no she deserved it, perhaps quitting was the best answer.

Hearing her call out to him he froze and turned around to stare at her with a steely gaze. On second thought he took some sick enjoyment at her expression. Yes, for once he didn't have to be the bad guy, no, now he was the victim.

"What do you want?" he asked steadily.

Victoria's mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out. She closed it quickly, clenching her jaw. What did she want?
s
She wanted him. Weeks away from what she'd come to know as her new home, away from Tess and him, had shown her that. She loved Tess, but their friendship was unbreakable. It was always there, no matter the time they spent apart. But Alec...she thought of him every day. Even now, her palm itched to touch him, take his hand, caress his cheek.

But that may only hurt him more. And, as much as she missed him, she didn't want to hurt him more. Seeing his cold, grey stare, she felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes. "I..." Her words died, as she looked down at the snow.

"How...how are you?" She didn't expect him to like that question. But she wanted to know. Not to revel in his pain, but to make sure that he was okay. There wasn't anything she could do, but...she couldn't not ask.

Alec snorted at her question and rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and leaned against one of the trees staring at her. Still ashamed, good she needed to be. And no he wasn't going to be kind and shits and giggles, that was unlike him and always would be.

He didn't answer for a second, making her sweat with nervousness, while he simply had a mask of indifference. He couldn't show his anger, or sadness, but indifference was the best method.

"I'm peachy keen, and you?" he replied.

Victoria bit her lip, her brow furrowed. How did he always appear so cool? It made it hard for her to really believe Tess when she said that Alec loved her. How could it even be possible? Sometimes he would open up, laugh, tell her something personal. But then he was right back to hiding it all under a cool mask.

She sighed. "How the hell do you do that?" She honestly wanted to know. Since it didn't seem like he would ever forgive her, she figured her only chance at moving on would be to learn his trick. Bury it all. Not let anything affect her.

Watching him lean on a tree, so carefree, she wished none of it had happened. Wished that she could go to him, and have him kiss her like he used to. Because even though he wasn't open, at least he had been hers. "It will please you to know that I'm down right miserable." She tried not to let her emotions creep into her voice.

"But I'm glad you're doing well." If she couldn't be happy, Victoria hoped that at least he could. Maybe he'd moved on, found someone else. She felt a shudder of pain ripple through her body at the thought.

Alec rolled his eyes at her comment. How did he act so calm? Well for one thing it was wrong to hit a woman, no matter how they might deserve it, and also he was sick of playing the bad guy. Nothing stung more than indifference. He had learned this well in his life.

"Well Rossmund, when someone back stabs you, you learn to not feel anymore" he replied with a snark.

It did please him that she was miserable, she deserved it, that's just how it was. If he was miserable, then she should be finding life unbearable, because that's how life needed to be. He had been screwed over, scratch that, she had screwed Bronn thus screwing up his life. As if he could be Mr. Good Guy with her.

"Do you want pity or what? Cause you're barking up the wrong tree."

Victoria pursed her lips. Alec was being decidedly difficult, but she didn't blame him. He had every right to act and say how he wanted. But his words cut deep. It was the last thing she wanted out of all of this. He could hate her all he wanted, but she couldn't bare the idea that he wouldn't feel again.

"Please don't say that," she whispered to her feet. Looking up at him, she spoke normally. "There has to be more to it. You were like this before. Cold. Reserved. How do you do it?"

She felt her anger rising up in her throat, threatening to strangle her. Anger at herself for even trying to talk to him. "I don't need you're pity, Black. I don't need...I..." She turned away, resting her hand on a tree for support, tears swimming in her vision. Fuck. "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

Slowly she started walking back to where her bench had been. It was a perfect spot for her. A place to hide for people, and now that Alec knew she could be there, he'd probably never return. Even better.

Alec snorted and looked at her. Were they really having small talk? Or was she trying to get him to open up. Either wasn't going to work, one he loathed more than the other and he'd rather not do this little dance of propriety.

"How do I not feel? Why would I tell you that? Haven't I opened up enough?" he said raising his brow. "Or what, are you trying to shut off your emotions? Please, tell me you aren't asking me for help to feel better, because I won't do that."

He simply nodded stiffly at her attempt to a dismissal and swung his hand around to show her the path as she started to stomp away. She might not have taken the direction that he wanted, but it still stung her and it made him feel a tiny bit better, he just ignored the bad taste in his mouth.

Perhaps he needed to leave, get out of here and hide away until the pain lessens. Leaning against the tree he took a deep breath.

His words sinking in, Victoria stopped dead in her tracks. No. He hadn't opened up enough. If he had, maybe none of this would have happened. The pain in her gut churned, turning into a white hot flame. She whipped around, walking back.

"Yes, Alec! I was trying to find out how to shut off my emotions, like you OBVIOUSLY know how to do!" Her hands clenched at her side, she could feel herself trembling with energy.

"Not all of us are skilled in loving and leaving," she hissed. She smirked, knowing how he could twist her words against her. "And yes, maybe that's my problem. But at least I take the risk to actually love someone!!"

Fuck control. She let the tears come, relishing the wave of emotion that separated her from him. How could she ever think she could make them work? She should have listened to him from the start.

Tears didn't sway him but rather inflamed the anger that was already coursing through his veins, only at a quicker pace. He didn't give a shit about propriety, oh so he didn't open up like she expected?! Perhaps she was right, perhaps he didn't open up enough, but if it hurt enough now when he had shared so "little" he didn't want to think what would happen if he had opened up even further.

"Oh, so you are telling me that if I had opened up and bore my soul to you, you wouldn't have shagged that chap? Oh that you would have happily kept your legs closed?! I highly doubt it!"

He was screaming, and he didn't fucking care anymore. He threw caution to the wind and he found himself not wanting to be so tightly wounded.

"Oh and let's say I had opened up, so a bitch like you could kick me down all the more?! Haven't you done enough?! Your fucking tears don't fix the fact that you shagged him."

He glared at her mentioned his mentioning of love.

"I DON'T LOVE ANYWAYS! I NEVER LOVED FOR A REASON, BUT YOU, YOU HAPPEN TO LOVE TOO EASILY...if that night wasn't that much of an indication"

He hissed, basically throwing venom her way and he didn't care.

Victoria knew she was no match for the raw anger she could feel vibrating in the air around him. But if this was to be their last talk, she wasn't leaving without being heard.

She hissed in a ragged breath, trying to speak evenly. "Yes, Alec. As foolish as it may sound to you, I wouldn't have slept with him if I knew there was a chance you loved me back." It was something that had come to her in the quiet halls in the dead of night. She'd always been a rash individual, but there were methods behind her madness. Bronn's openness with his emotions and his love wouldn't have swayed her so if she'd known that the love she felt for Alec was reciprocated.

"I loved you, Alec. I still do. But, as you've so wonderfully taught me, emotions are weak. So hate me all you want to. But I'll love you every single day of my miserable life!"

Alec chuckled bitterly and swung his hands in the air.

"Yes Victoria, tell the world that you...YOU...were looking at alll your options!" he yelled.

He kicked some snow and glared at her, the air cracking with energy going all over them. He was trembling in anger, his magic spurting out cracks around them.

"If I fucked everyone woman that ever said that loved me, hell I'd still be fucking random woman all around fucking London! And if commitment didn't mean shit to you, then I was the only fucking idiot that ignored all the calls from women giving me options."

He winced hearing her saying that she loved him. He didn't believe it.

"Yeah well I loved you too, but that was a big mistake wasn't it. I won't waste my own time on a fruitless cause" he muttered, not even caring if she heard.

Victoria winced. She'd never felt like a woman with options. Maybe she would have, if her life had been different, but when she'd started dating Bronn, no one else mattered. Maybe that was part of why she went back to him. Because he was all she'd ever known before the cold, calculating man she loved now.

She felt her jealousy ripple through her skin. She didn't want to think of how many women he'd fucked since she left. "Oh yes, please go on about how many women want to bed you. Because I need to feel even more unworthy of you! GAH!" She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. For once in her life, she really wanted to hit something.

At his words, she froze. It felt like someone had knocked the wind right from her lungs. She boldly walked up to him, grasping his head in both hands, praying to see something there. "What did you say?" Her mouth was dry. She couldn't believe what she was sure was a figment of her imagination. She braced herself, ready to be pushed away.

Alec noticed that she had misunderstood him. Since her betrayal he couldn't even get near a woman, he was disgusted by all of them and their manipulative ways. He didn't even see any woman at the time or notice their beauty. No, in his eyes all these woman would bring him pain, as had the brunette in front of him.

He didn't correct her, hell it made him feel better that she thought he was so perfect to just jump into the game. All he wanted to do was well break down, break things, and disappear to a place where nothing is wrong and nothing hurts.

"I loved you, you stupid woman" he hissed.

Victoria looked closely into his eyes. There was amusement? Pride? And something else. Something that pulled at her heartstrings, making her want to hold him and never let go.

As it was, all she wanted to do was to pull him to her and kiss him like they used to. Before all of this, before the pain. Before her endless roaming of the castle and singing words that weren't hers, but which were the only way for her to convey the pain inside.

She let her eyes close as she took a deep breath. When she locked eyes with him again, one of her hands slipped down to gently brush under his bottom lip. "Well, I love you, you stupid man. Present tense."

Alec closed his eyes as her let her get closer to him. He shivered pleasantly as he let her scent surround him in the most wonderful way. He had missed her, fuck he had missed her.

And he was just happy, if only for a moment to be near her, hearing her say that she loved him. He knew that she had said it once, but her actions made it seem as if it was a fluke. It was good to hear, but the moment that she touched him, it was as if he was burned. He took a step back and looked at her accusingly.

She had made him break, and he was not going to do that.

"Don't touch me" he whispered.

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and forced himself not to run like some cowered. No, he needed to step back, anger was safe.

Victoria could feel her hopes rising as Alec's face relaxed. Her heart soared with that hope. But it all came crashing down when he pulled away. She didn't even have time to process his movement before she heard his words.

Her mind and her body felt numb. No... No hope. No chance. No future with him. Nothing she could do to make it right. Visions flashed before her eyes. Tess visiting her at school as she stared out window, clinging to lost hope. Her, wandering the halls for the rest of her life. Alone.

"Okay." She was shocked at the sound of her own voice, hollow. She deserved that loneliness. She accepted it now, her face, for once, completely void.