Victoria stumbled in the snow and let her body fall. The softness pillowed her fall, making it hurt less, but it was nothing compared to the hurt inside. She wasn't quite sure where she'd landed, she didn't care enough to open her eyes and see. Letting the melting snow around her body seep into her clothes, part of her wanted to let it move through her skin, into her bones, numbing everything.

The last couple days drifted through her mind like a dream. It had taken all her willpower to apparate to Wales, only to find Bronn there. And all the hatred and fear she'd felt for him had evaporated, replaced by the most intense emotions she'd ever felt. It had been heaven, falling back into her old life, her old love.

But when she'd woken up this morning, reality came back. Alec. She pressed her fists into her eyes, feeling the hot tears fall into the snow as she tried to reign in the chaos that she couldn't understand. Why did they have to be so wonderful? Bronn. Emotional, honest, the man who had loved her for what seemed like all of her life. Willing to sacrifice his own happiness for her freedom. Alec. Who was trying so hard to be the man he thought she deserved. Sweet, witty, and irresistibly complicated.

It felt like her mind and body were being ripped in two. And now? There was no good way out of this now.

If anyone were to see Alec, they would be surprised at the action that he was doing at the moment. Curled up in front of the fire, with a book on his lap and glasses resting on his nose. It was too cold to go out somewhere and part of him didn't want to, he just wanted to sit on his favorite couch, with soft violins playing from the stereo in his apartment.

He hadn't seen Victoria in a bit, and it was weird considering both had been together as often as they possibly could. Dorian was also in his own world, still chasing after the mysterious woman, and dealing with him healing. And Tess...he had actually gone out for coffee with her to try and settle things between the two. It had been uncomfortable but he knew that both knew that Victoria would love the effort the two made. He smirked at the thought and sighed.

Closing the book, he took off his glasses and closed his eyes. He wanted to spend this time and relax, enjoy the winter chill in flat until the spring came.

Victoria decided it would be a terrible thing to be found on a random person's lawn, frozen. Wiping at her cheeks, she sat up in the snow. She looked back at the flat behind her and her jaw dropped. It was Alec's place. Of all the places she could apparate to in a fit of tears and emotion....Here?

She crawled through the snow, thankful for the charms he had around his home to keep snoopy people from seeing into his life. Her wrists burned with the constant snow onslaught, but she pushed it aside. As she approached the window and peered in, she felt her heart breaking at the sight.

When she'd first met Alec, a scene like this would never have crossed her mind. Him, sitting here, so domestic. Hell, she didn't even know he needed glasses to read! She forced herself to turn away, sliding against the side of his flat back into her snow. Of all the stupid, rash things she'd done in her life, this took the cake. And she didn't feel like she could go to Tess with it. Not because she didn't trust her, but because she didn't want to put her in that position.

Closing her eyes, she felt the tears falling again as she slowly banged her head against the wall, trying to make it all go away.

Alec raised his head immediately at the light flashing. Someone was outside, the charms had signaled someone was outside. He put his book to the side and grabbed his wand walking towards the door.

As he reached the door, he unlocked it and muttered "Lumos" before looking around. He shivered at the cold wind that hit his face and pulled his coat closer around him. Turning to his left he saw nothing, but as he pointed his want towards the window on the right he saw a figure there. His eyes widening as he saw that it was Victoria.

Taking off his sweater he immediately rushed towards her and wrapped it around her. He hadn't noticed her tears yet, all that mattered was the fact that she was cold and covered in wet snow. Picking her up, he muttered things to her, ranging from "you're foolish, being out here in the snow" to "what were you thinking?"

Once he closed the door behind them, he noticed her tears. He felt her shivering and sat her in front of the fireplace as he made her some tea.

It felt like she'd been out there for hours, the snow seeping into her bones, into her mind, to numb everything. And she welcomed it. It wasn't until Alec had her seated in front of a warm fire, the sudden temperature change making her skin sting to adapt, that she came back to the present.

She crossed her arms and looked down, not remembering how the sweater had gotten there. But the smell of Alec's cologne was overpowering and only renewed her tears. She wanted to disappear from here, not have to face him. But her heart yearned to kiss him and have him hold her, and have everything be alright.

When she'd snapped back to reality, it was like her heart had expanded, making room for both men, loving them both. But she knew that wasn't right. She couldn't have the whole world. How was she going to tell Alec? Because in her mind, there was no other option. She had to tell him.

When he returned with the tea, she took it, watching her hands shake from the cold. "Thanks," she murmured.

Alec wondered just why she was crying. As he made her tea, he looked down at the cup wondering the possibilities. Did she have a fight with Tess? He growled at the thought of it, it would be the two of them, if the fought he knew that both of them would be a mess, since they were co-dependent.

As she took his cup, he wiped a few tears and kissed her forehead, wanting to comfort her. He murmured a spell to warm up the house and went off to find other clothes for her. He worried about her getting pneumonia. Getting her some extra clothing he transfigured it into a smaller size and handed them to her, as he ran his fingers through her hair in a comforting manner.

"Do you mind changing, you're shivering"

Victoria closed her eyes as he kissed her forehead. His touches were fewer than Bronn's, but they seemed to mean more because of it. Because she knew how hard it was for him to get to this point. She groaned as he went off to get her cloths. She wanted to spill everything, but hide it all somewhere it would never be found, all at the same time.

She tried to smile when he handed her the cloths, but she knew it looked pitiful. "Thanks." She felt her heart ache at the smell of him on the t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Standing, she moved just around the couch, figuring that she wasn't going to show much since she was keeping her undergarments on. She turned away from him and pulled off her drenched jacket, moving to her shirt.

Trying to move fast, so as not to make it awkward for him, she stopped for a moment when she noticed a hickey on her collarbone. She quickly changed her pants, picking up her damp clothes with shaking hands. She felt warmer with the dry clothes, but the reality of the situation had her blood pumping faster than she could remember it ever pumping before.

She hoped that was the only one, now hidden under his shirt. With her eyes downcast, she turned towards him, not sure what to do now.

The moment she said thanks, Alec immediately left to do his own devices, wanting to give her privacy. He knew that ti wasn't normal, while he hadn't known her for long, he knew that her mourning seemed a bit deeper than either expected.

He heard her shuffling and that was nothing to him, that is until she quickened up. He tilted his head and turned his head wondering if this was a reason that she was emotional, or that she was just nervous to disrobe around him. Seeing her stance he frowned and walked towards her immediately pulling her into a hug.

"You alright?"

Victoria couldn't stand it and burst into tears. She grabbed onto the front of his shirt burying her face in his chest. Why did he have to be so caring when she needed to tell him what happened? Couldn't he be cold? Or witty? Anything but the sweet man he'd turned into.

A memory from the day before flashed through her mind. The look on Bronn's face when she said she loved him. It felt like someone had stabbed her right through her heart, making her gasp. She pulled away, not feeling worthy of his hug. She turned from him, not wanting to see the look on his face. Walking over to the window, she saw her reflection in the glass.

"Alec, I..." She could feel every nerve ending. Her legs gave out and she slide to the floor. "I slept with someone."

Alec stiffened up as he heard her burst into tears. He held her closer as she clung to him and kissed forehead confused. What was wrong? Had someone died? He needed to protect her, and as he tears fell down his chest, he ran his fingers through her hair hoping to comfort her in some way.

It seemed to do nothing because she pulled back, as if he had burned her. He didn't need her scorning, hell he didn't deserve it. As he looked out the window, his gaze followed her, looking at her bemused and a bit hurt. He wanted to comfort her, make her tears lessen and see her smile once more.

But as he took a step forward, he stopped. Her confession, he felt like someone had stabbed him in his back, and turned the dagger to make it sting all the more. He took in a sharp breath and didn't move one step closer. His hands were shaking a bit, but said nothing, instead he turned around and walked towards his glasses and poured a large glass of brandy. He drank it like water, ignoring the burn, for it didn't sting as much as her words did.

"I see" he whispered softly.

He gripped the glass but as he felt his anger rise, he let the glass go letting it break down on the floor.

"Shit" he murmured and began picking the glass, not wanting to face her.

Victoria expected him to yell, to get angry. But his quiet words cut deeper than that. Almost like he wasn't surprised, which made her feel more like dirt. If he'd expected it of her, how could she not have expected it of herself. Hell, the thought had never even crossed her mind before she went to Wales. And it wasn't like she'd seen Bronn and thought Hey, I should sleep with him to hurt Alec.

She watched him drink a whole glass like it was nothing. She new the feeling. The betrayal that made you want to drink until you forgot who you were. And she wanted to be sick at making him feel that way.

She flinched when the glass shattered. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she moved to help him pick up the shards. One particularly sharp piece cut her and she hissed, moving to the fire to inspect it.

After a minute or two, watching it bleed, she whispered, "I'm so sorry." The cut wasn't deep, a little blood moving down her finger into her palm. In comparison to the hurt inside, this was nothing.

Alec ignored her cut, she deserved it in his eyes. He hated her being so close and before their hands could touch accidentally, he pulled back avoiding her. Karma was a bitch, he had heard it over and over again and he knew this time it made perfect sense and he believed in it. He had tried so hard to be faithful, ignored the calls from women, ignored the propositions after cases and immediately returned to her. Held her, opened up to her and what did she do? She spread her legs.

He had held her in a pedestal, and he regretted ever doing that. It figured that something of Tess' would hurt him, that was also karmatic. He hurt her for something but rather than him hurting her, it was the other way around. Fuck he had never been the victim in his life. Picking up the pieces of glass, he ignored the cut and walked to the trash to put it all in. He ignored the cuts on his own hands and simply washed it all mechanically.

"You should be" he replied shortly.

Victoria's tears kept coming and she couldn't stop them. Fisting her hand, she moved to the kitchen, hoping to use the sink when he was done. If he let her. She half expected him to throw her out into the snow. Seeing his own cuts, she fought the urge to touch them, to try to make him better in some way.

Seeing how rigid he was in his movements, she gritted her teeth and rested her head against the wall. "I am. There's no excuse for it. None at all, no matter the situation." And she honestly believed that. No matter who the person was, cheating on someone was never right. She'd always believed she was above her baser nature.

But, she guessed, she was wrong. She was worse than any woman he'd ever slept with. At least they hadn't asked for the world from him. And commitment was the world, when it came to Alec. "I wasn't thinking." The words sounded metallic in her mouth. Lies. "Fuck! I was thinking, but not about what I should have been."

Forgetting her cut, she gripped the sides of her head, willing it to all be a dream. She gave up on the kitchen and moved into the livingroom to pace. "I went back. I went back where it all happened and he was there! Fuck!"

Alec gripped the sink and looked out of the window, staring at the snow calmly. His hands were white from the anger that he was reigning in and he took in a sharp breath. It angered her that she slept with someone, yes because even they hadn't had sex, and sex was part of him yet he was ignoring his basic urges. But there she went and did what was expected of him.

He chuckled.

"Seems that we both underestimated ourselves. Everyone expected me to be the whore, but then again they expected you to be prudent."

Shaking his head he walked to the fridge and took out a cold beer, chugging it down and ignoring to look at her, not even asking her if she needed to get her cut checked, or if she needed a drink. Fuck that who knows what she had had before coming.

He kept drinking as he heard her say what he heard over and over again from his friends and what they said to their girlfriends. ' I wasn't thinking' bla bla bla all bullshit. He knew about consent and so yes they were thinking for there was always a choice.

He stopped though, the moment she mentioned that she had gone back. It didn't take a genius to know that something with emotions played out. Putting the glass down he looked down at his bottle as he talked. He knew that "he" was Bronn, but he needed to hear it out of her lips.

"Who did you sleep with?" he hissed.

Victoria gripped the front of her shirt, letting the blood soak in. She'd clean the shirt when she was done, and with magic, the blood would come out. Through the thin material she could feel her heart fluttering like it was about to explode. Whore. That's what he thought of her. And he was right to. She was. She was a stupid whore of a woman who loved two men.

When he asked who it was she froze mid pace. He knew. He had to know. And the bite in his voice made it perfectly clear that he just wanted her to say it. And as much as it hurt her to say it, he deserved the truth.

"Bronn."

She looked down at her hand, the blood was clotting already. "I know what happened now." It was more to herself than to him. It wasn't like it was an excuse, or a reason for what she did.

Alec let out a dark chuckle and shook his head. He couldn't believe it, that fucking bastard the one that actually left her in tears was the man that took her once more. The man that had taken her virginity, the one that was her first everything now reclaimed her.

"Well cheers for him then" he said swinging his beer as if saluting him before finishing it off.

He swallowed the bitter beer and still had a smirk on his face. Inside, it seemed that held that fire, that anger the disappointment. She sure was a bitch wasn't she? First arguing that he never opened up, giving him crap over some bitch kissing him and now she was sorry. He heard her comment and licked his lips.

"I know what happened now." he squeaked in a higher tone mimicking her voice. "Well isn't that fucking dandy!"

He threw the bottle to the wall and glared at her, if she wanted his gaze so much then she'd get it. His eyes had turned grey no longer bright and blue like they usually do.

"Did he make you scream like last time? Oh was it a sweet reunion? Did you declare your love after fucking each other?!" he lashed out. "But thank Merlin that now you know what happened. I guess now playtime is over between us right? You had your fun, now you run back to the fucking bastard who's mess I cleaned up. And people said I had too much baggage, but no you're the masochist here aren't you!!!!!"

Victoria felt heat creeping up her neck when he cheered. As if she was nothing but a good friend's latest fuck. His high pitched mimic did nothing to curb her anger. It rivaled that which she'd felt when Bronn was withholding his real reason for leaving from her. This was much worse. He was being purposefully hurtful. And she deserved it, but it still hurt more than any cut or curse could.

When he stalked over to her, his eyes like rolling thunder before lightning, she stood her ground. The fire in her blood making her stronger. "I'm not fucking talking about that," she hissed.

His words stung, taking the breath from her lungs. "I never saw it as playtime, Alec! And I don't know why I did it. And nothing I do can change it. And now, whatever I do, someone is going to get hurt."

She let her gaze fall. "I love you, Alec," she whispered. "But I know I fucked it all up and I'm sorry." The tears felt hot in her eyes, stinging. She swallowed hard, resisting the urge to run. She deserved every nasty thing he had to say to her, and she'd take it. She'd take it because he deserved nothing less. This perfect man that had fought against his nature for her, who didn't deserve this pain.

Alec walked forward eyes flaring with anger, things shaking but he didn't give a fuck. He slammed his hand a few inches away from her face and leaned forward, eyes still blazing.

"Oh really does love make everything better? What if I say I love you to will you fuck me too?" he raised his brow as she avoided his gaze and he moved his hand to touch her face.

It was still as soft as he remembered, but her body language said everything. Even now wearing his clothes he wondered just where she was touched, what places were clean. He tugged his sweater down her neck and saw the bites, he shook his head.

"What...trying to see which one is better and you stay with one?" he hissed. "Perhaps I should send a few of my old friends to Bronn, do you think he'd like that? I mean he was kind enough to send you back to me right?"

The love stung and he pulled back. He bit back tears so he avoided her, not wanting to see her eyes. This was the closest he ever was to loving, but now...now that could not happen. Tess was right, he should have avoided her, she wasn't for him.

"Do you love him?" he asked as he opened the fridge for another beer. He didn't want to think anymore.

When Alec pulled her collar down, seeing the marks, she wanted to die right then and there. She may not have been pure when she met him, but at least before now she was faithful to who she was with. She couldn't help flinching when he said the word love. Something he'd never really used with her. Even now, when it was used to hurt her, a part of her fluttered at the thought.

As he continued his onslaught, she found she couldn't move. She took every last bit of his anger in. She deserved to burn with it. Did she love Bronn? Yes. But to what degree. She couldn't forget their time together. And if what he said was true, he'd never stopped loving her. And how could she fault a man who'd sacrificed so much for her to be happy.

But seeing Alec like this...she couldn't handle it. The tears kept coming. "I still love him, in a way. He risked everything to keep me safe, but I can't help what...who I've become in his absence."

She knew her voice was choppy, and that emotions wouldn't work on him, but she couldn't stop it. "He didn't send me back here. I came because I know what I've done. I know how much I've screwed up any chance we had. And whether or not you could actually love me, you didn't deserve something like this."

Alec chuckled at her comment. Of course she loved that bastard, she seemed like that type didn't she? He knew, part of his logical side knew that she wouldn't sleep with someone for no reason. Feelings had to be involved and that's what hurt more, because sex was one thing, he had had meaningless sex, and while fantastic, those few times that he had done the deed with feelings, it had made an impact.

"What the hell do you want me to say Victoria" he snarled out. "Thanks mate, you shagged her and all, but she came to me once you stopped playing with her for a bit. Oh by the way, I was close enough to care about her. Oh...what did you say? You want her back? Oh I see you're the good guy again? Well then have at her, I don't fucking mind. Because I'm the whore anyways, the bad guy."

Each word was filled with more and more sarcasm, a more sharpened tone, accentuating his pain. His voice grew a bit hysterical at the end and he bit back some tears that were falling. That bitch, that bitch had caused him to nearly say those words she wanted her to hear.

"You don't think I deserved it? Oh I don't know, maybe it was life biting me in the ass, after all you didn't think I was good enough for you. Maybe you were right. Hell maybe my little stupid sister was right, I was making a mistake being with you."

He drank the beer relishing the numbing pain. Oh god that was delicious, the delicious numbness. Finishing it, he lifted his gaze and gruffly murmured.

"Get out" he whispered to himself.

He growled and slammed the bottle down and walked forward toward her and grabbed her hand roughly as he pulled her towards the door.

"Well guess what sweetheart.....I don't fucking do sharing. So get out."

Victoria felt like Alec was spitting venom at her. He couldn't believe that she hadn't done this to hurt him. That she regretted it. A part of her wanted to hold on to the life she'd had, the life she'd dreamt of since she'd been a child. But the good majority, the sane, logical and emotional, loved Alec. More than she could have ever expected that she would.

As he dragged her towards the door, one thought swam in her mind. He said she thought he wasn't good enough for her. She'd never said, or thought, anything of the kind. It was absurd really, since during their first date, she felt nothing but unworthiness. And just because he had trouble opening up, it didn't mean he was any less than her.

She stopped before leaving, looking back at him, wondering if it would be the last time. She should have been happy to see him emotional, but all it did was make her tears fall harder. "No, Alec. I was never good enough for you."

Alec snorted, and ignored her eyes that were shining with unshed tears. No he wasn't going to cry, she wasn't worth any tears, this is what he told himself, yet his breath was a little shaky as he tried to keep his composure. He opened the door and walked to the fireplace to pick up her clothes. Part of him wanted to throw it in the fire, but he wasn't that cruel, he didn't want any remnants of her.

"Perhaps that's one thing we can agree on" his voice croaked.

He pushed her clothes on her chest and ignored her gaze. Her tears just flowing did hurt him, and quelled his anger. He took in a sharp breath and leaned against the door waiting for her to get out of his flat. Like hell she was taking his floo network.

"Forget my face, forget my address, burn my clothes, anything I left over feel free to destroy, and I'll try to do the same alright. Have a happy fucking New Year and you know what? Here's some advice for you,....go back to Bronn, you two deserve each other, both of your are sadists anyways, he destroys villages, and you...you destroy hearts"

He sniffed and pushed her out before slamming the door behind him. He punched the door and finally let tears fall. She had broken him, his heart was nearly hers, he was happy enough to think she was worth the rift between him and his sister. Now he just wanted to piss away the night. And cry himself to sleep.

"I fucking loved you" he hissed.

The bookshelves the were leaning against the wall fell, and the fire burned out. He simply walked towards his bedroom and slammed the door shut.