Dorian downed another glass, hating the wine. Over the years he'd gotten used to the bite of scotch or whiskey. It was a comfortable pain, to accompany the inner kind. The wine was too slow. But the waiter had brought another.

"Well, I apologize then. Guess I don't know what real love is." He tried not to touch the ring hidden under his dress shirt. Even Alec didn't know he still wore it. The git would probably never let it go.

He stood, trying not to sway from the suddenness of movement. "I'm gonna have to cut this short. Not everyone is as strong as you." The last part was almost a whisper, meant more for himself. Grabbing the newly opened bottle, he walked towards the door, only stopping to tell their waiter to put it on his tab.

When he reached the cool night air, he took a long swig. It wasn't strong enough for his taste, but maybe it could warm his cold heart a bit.

Tess gritted her teeth as he left. Things began to shake and she stood up. People looked around wondering if it was an earthquake. She didn't want people to know she was left alone. So getting up, she walked out, as confident as she could possibly be.

She wasn't going to cry, finding him drinking in front of the restaurant she saw red. She tugged his arm to face her and she glared at him.

"Thanks for the best fucking night of my life. You talk about my brother all night, you just talk and talk about how amazing he is. Well you know what, fuck you. I was hoping for a snog of some kind, something, anything, but fuck that. I should have rejected you the moment you asked me. But no, I thought, why not date, it can't be terrible but I was wrong"

She gripped her purse so her knuckles cracked and with her free hand swung, slapping his cheek.

"You and Alec just stay away from me. I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear about you and if we cross paths again I swear to Merlin I will show you just why people thought I'd be better suited as an Auror" she hissed.

Her eyes flashed, her cheeks were flushed and before he could respond, she apparated towards her flat.

Dorian felt like his world was spinning, and not because of the alcohol. A part of him loved seeing the fire in her. Her rage. But the majority of him felt like shit. For leading her on, for pretending he just wanted to be friends. And then acting the way he had. He'd said he was no good at this friend thing. Who knew he'd be down right aweful at it.

Reeling from the slap, he grabbed her wrist before she apparated. They both stumbled when they landed. Not giving her time to yell at him, or worse, he pushed her against the door, lacing her hands with his to keep her from grabbing her wand. He held his body away from hers, head bent for a minute. He had the urge to walk away and never look back. But, whether from her speech tonight or from the need for something real, he looked up at her.

"You want to know something about love? It's sacrifice, giving so much of yourself that you don't know where you end and they begin and loving it all the same. It's living for the smallest of things, and feeling like you'd die without them." His eyes never left hers.

"You know how I know? Because I've had it!" He knew he was almost yelling now, but figured she'd have some enchantments around the flat or something. "I've had it, and I've had it ripped away. And not in the quick way either. But the slow, painful way. The kind that makes you wish for death rather than deal with one more day."

Tess squeaked and stumbled in her heels as she grabbed her. She was trembling in anger, and things were beginning to shake. How dare he apparate to her place?! How dare he think worthy of even following her, she was clear that she was done. Her chest rose as she glared at him, especially since her personal space was taken over by him. She lifted her gaze and glared as he spoke.

She felt her eyes water and she refused to weaken her stance. Her gaze was blurred as tears began to fall and his face was blurred as well. She tugged her wrist and she pushed his chest without any avail.

"If you know about love" she whispered taking in a shaky breath. "you know that it takes chance. Do you think that if I had the perfect love, without pain, without tears" she gritted her teeth and corrected herself. "without heart wrenching tears, I'd be out now?"

She hit his chest in anger before closing her eyes.

"But unlike you I'm okay with that...I'm okay with feeling the pain, taking a chance, just trying. Because somewhere out there is the person for me, looking for me and it's not fair that people that don't look get it. I'm not a coward unlike you. Yes it hurts I know it hurts, you cry until tears are dry, but sometimes it's for the best so you give up, keep dwelling on that, while I'll move on."

Dorian hated to see her anger now. Because it was his doing. But at her tears, something inside him broke. Propelled by emotion and booze, he wrapped her in a tight hug, more for his sanity than dispelling her anger.

He believed she believed what she said. But he'd be damned if he told her that, it would only upset her more. He pressed his hand against the door to steady them, focusing on the tiny cresent scars on the back of his hand. Painful reminders. They blurred as he noticed tears forming.

Staring at the scars, he felt like his whole body was bending under the weight of his pain. He never let people see him like this. Hell, he never let himself get this bad. It was one of the reasons he took so many girls to bed, night after night. They provided a reason to keep up the act.

Almost a whipser now, he answered. "She died." Part of him didn't even realize where he was, lost in the alcohol. "I died. But I can't move on."

As much as she wanted to push him away, she let him hug her. Tess grabbed him tighter around his waist and laid her head against his chest drowning in her tears. She had gotten her heart broken long ago, but it had been all her fault, she had chosen herself over love, because she knew it'd be sacrificing who she was and that wasn't going to work. But it hurt, she missed him whenever alone. She let her tears fall for her selfishness.

She suddenly felt her whole body pressed all the more against the door. His body weight heavy against hers and she was not used to the lack of space when she was in tears. She lifted her head to gaze up at him, that was when she noticed that he was so close to her. Inches.

But before she could say anything, she smelled the wine in his breath, and when he whispered his comment she felt cold. She felt for him she really did and she then mourned, mourned the night, mourned the woman and mourned Dorian who had let his heart die long ago.

"I'm sorry" she whispered and lifted her hand to caress his cheek. "I'm sorry your heart is dead...I'm sorry you'll never experience it again."

Dorian was stirred out of his memories, not wanting to let go. Feeling the touch on his cheek he looked down, startled at how close Tess was. The moon was full and he could see her clearly. It's light made her look paler than normal, but reflected in her eyes like they were part of it themselves.

At her words he felt numb. That's what it was. That's why he hadn't been able to move on. Because he'd given his heart away, and it died. He'd been drowning himself in liquor and pleasures to mask the pain for three years, but it never dulled it. If anything, it created a terrible creature that leaped up to devour him when he wasn't looking. Like tonight.

But when her words finally reached his mind, a part of him cried out. "No." He didn't know how to put into words what he was denying. The hold that his lost love had on him. The thought that he'd never love again. Either way, looking into Tess's eyes, he wanted more.

Lacing his fingers through her hair, he leaned in gently. He felt like, at any moment, his whole world would shatter. And it did, when he finally kissed her.

Tess knew that some were luckier in love. She was never one of those people, there were only a few things she pushed herself out to get, that being her career and love. That was when she learned that you couldn't always succeed in both. She blinked the tears away trying to compose herself.

She was nearly twenty one, she didn't need to cry over anything like she used to. She was a strong woman, but that was soon not true as she couldn't stop. She took in a shaky breath, especially as his eyes changed expression. They wanted something, and she was too scared to ask exactly what that was. But as he felt his fingers in her hair, and pressing himself even nearer her breath hitched. She automatically lifted her head to meet him half way, her body rather than her mind knowing exactly what was going to occur. She licked her lips nervously, and as he leaned down, her eyes fluttered shut.

At his kiss, her couldn't help but tremble. She hadn't been kissed in nearly four years, always finding an excuse, an escape, but as he did she melted in his arms, thanking herself for having the door as her support. He knew what he was doing, even her foggy mind could understand that, and she was surprised at her own response. Her freehand moved up from his cheek to his hair and tugged his hair before pressing him closer.

It was unwise to do this, and she was a hypocrite. She would even hate herself in the morning, but at this time, nothing mattered. For her time had stopped, and all that mattered was the broken man in front of her that confused her to no end.

For a few split seconds, Dorian wondered if Tess would push him away. But when she responded, seeming to melt against him, he took over. This, this he knew how to do. Opening up, fighting for something? He was lost. But it wasn't just that he'd snogged more women than she would like to know. She was different. She was raw, and honest, and she was the first one since that night that had any real effect on him. Sure, he'd had fun with some, but none of them held any power over him.

When she tugged on his hair he practically growled. He gripped her hips a little harder than she might like, trying to hold onto reality. He'd always loved pencil skirts. It accentuated her small waist and he could clearly feel her hip bones, one of his favorite things on a woman. But like the rest of her, she wasn't too boney. Perfect.

He broke for air first, letting out a shuddering breath. He leaned his forehead against her's, letting his eyes close. This was a bad idea. She despised him. Was probably only allowing him to kiss her out of some form of pity. But he'd take it. He moved his hand from her silky hair to trace her jaw with his thumb, loving the feel of her skin.

"You probably want me to go now, " he murmured against her lips. He didn't want to, but he didn't want her to know how desparate he was for this rush of emotion. The alcohol was still swimming in his veins, turning his world into a heated, languid swirl, with Tess as the center.

Tess was so stupid, she knew she was, but as she was being kissed, she threw all caution to the window. Her heartbeat was beating against her ears and she trembled as she heard him growl. His hands held her in place and she sighed, feeling the goosebumps rising. She never believed in 'fireworks' when it came to kisses, thought it was all stupid, but she felt the chemistry, the click and that was when she realized she needed to breathe.

As he parted from her, her lips were parted as she gasped for breath. Her eyes were still shut, trying to get herself back to normal. But as she felt him caressed her face, she looked at him. She was melting against him, and it was terrifying for her.

This was too fast, too soon, too tempting for her. With a yes, she'd fall for him in a heartbeat. But she couldn't do this, especially when he was so broken, giving him false hope. She wasn't going to be a replacement, she wanted someone who was ready for something near, not fearing change. At his question, she took in a sharp breath, his lips tempting her.

She moved her hands around his neck, pressed herself against him and kissed him soundly. For her this was what could have been, if she had been willing to settle for someone broken who needed to be fixed. He was the tinman, and he needed to find a new heart on his own, without her trying to desperately have the perfect life. She was always a dreamer, a romantic, and him, he was embittered.

Pulling back, she licked her lips then nodded. She wasn't in the right state of mind, he looked shaggable, and she tried not to be the kind of girl, that he'd usually bed. She would hate to be on the long list.

"I'd hate to see you go, but it's for the best" she whispered mere inches from him.

Dorian let himself be lost in her kiss. But it was bittersweet, like she was saying goodbye. And more than just goodbye for the night. It was like she was ending something that had just started. That kiss alone threatened to break him even more. For a few, short minutes he thought there might be hope for him.

He sighed, trying to pull himself back together. His lips itched to touch hers again, but he knew he wouldn't be able to leave if he kissed her again. He looked into her eyes, trying to memorize them.

"Promise me something?" He knew he had no right to ask anything of her. She was rejecting him after all. "Please...don't forget me." Sometimes he felt like he was drifting through his life, not really tethered to anything. He wanted to think that maybe someone would think about him.

He moved his thumb from her jaw to caress her lower lip one last time, then he tried to pull away. Not sure where he was going, he just knew that he was in no shape to apparate. He figured he'd try to walk off the alcohol. Trying not to stumble too much, he walked away from Tess, regretting every step.

Tess took in a sharp breath and looked at him eyes glittering with tears. Both needed time apart and weren't the best choice for one another. She felt that she had hurt him too deeply and she was more open, ready to love with everything when he himself had ended his chances.

She touched her lips lightly, staring at him intently trying to see him like this. He was still handsome, but the difference was that this wasn't perfect, far from it in fact. His hair was muzzled, his cheeks streaked with the tears he had shed and his lips red from her lipstick.

"I couldn't...even if I wanted to" she responded breathlessly. "Believe me I couldn't"

Her eyes fluttered shut as he caressed her once more. She naturally moved towards him, fighting herself for the lack of control. As he wobbled away, she knew that she couldn't just let him go off on his own, it was dangerous, especially in a muggle neighborhood.

"Wait" she whispered. "it's dangerous out there. I can't have you, have you get hurt."

Walking towards him, she grabbed his arm and imagined his home before landing in front of it. She caressed his cheek, wondering what could have been had she been weaker and more willing. Hell for a moment during the kiss she wouldn't have minded to be one of the women on his lists. She gave him a peck on the cheek, and forced herself to step back.

"Take care Dorian" she whispered before disapparating to a lonely flat.