Victoria apparated to her and Tess's flat, not bothering to hide what a mess she was. As she walked in the door, she didn't even call out. She just walked up the stairs and to her room, not even bothering with the door. Her damp clothes fell to a pile at her feet. She gently lifted the bedding on one side and slipped in, facing the window. As she relaxed into the bed, she let her mind drift away from her body, trying to escape everything and everyone.

She'd found Bronn, reconciled with him, but for what? To only realize how much she'd fucked up and how much she loved Alec? It wasn't worth it. And she still loved Bronn, in her way. But she'd lived through losing him. She'd lived, and fought, and found a way to do so. As much as she'd hated the betrayal at a time, it had helped her get through her love for him. With Alec...she felt like her heart had been ripped out.

For the next few days she drifted in and out of sleep, only getting up to use the bathroom. One day her eyes opened with more clarity, wondering what had woken her. Then she felt the pain in her stomach from not eating. She groaned, wanting to turn over and go back to the blissful sleep that didn't hurt as much as reality.

Tess closed the door to her flat humming. She was in a good mood, well as good of a mood as she could be. Dorian fluttered into her mind now and then again and she would smile shyly before moving on through her work. Sometimes though, when she saw Chale, her thoughts would be pushed away and she would become a shy mess, much to her frustration. He was such a prick, like today he forced her to be his second during surgery and yelled at her for the utensils weren't clean enough, that wasn't even her job yet she was yelled at. She was close to snapping.

She hadn't gone to her flat for two nights, considering she was forced to sleep in her room at the hospital, and the bunk beds which were painful for her back. She entered with a steaming cup of coffee, her hair tied up and wearing shorts and a tank top...basically her last clean outfit in her locker, not to mention her work out clothing.

Just entering though, it felt off. The aura of the apartment made her uncomfortable. She walked through the kitchen and began to make breakfast. She had no idea that Victoria was there, she thought of her still in school.

Victoria lifted the sheets and comforter to crawl out of bed. As she did so, the smell of Alec wafted of her borrowed clothes, bringing tears to her eyes that never seemed to leave. She walked slowly into the bathroom. While washing her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was flat and her makeup was almost completely gone. But the bags under her eyes were the worst part.

She made her way slowly downstairs, a headache pounding behind her eyes. At the bottom, she smelled the food cooking and groaned. Tess was here, and awake. Resigned to the talk they had to have sooner or later, she walked in and sat down at the island counter, watching her work.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she mumbled, "How was work?"

Tess was smiling brightly after her coffee. She was starving after all crisps really never did fill up her stomach, instead made her gain weight as well as her cola addiction didn't really help her try to stay in shape.

"Oh it was as usual, just came back from a two day shi-"

Her smile was wiped off immediately and her voice died after she saw Victoria's expression. She turned off the stove and put the eggs on the counter trying to figure out exactly what to say.

But seeing her expression, her face was a mess, she hadn't slept, her clothes weren't even hers! She pushed the plate away and walked to her friend, immediately engulfing her in a hug.

Victoria was sure that she could have gotten through a usual conversation without breaking down. But the moment Tess engulfed her, it was over. She felt her tears return and a sob wrack her frail body. She felt like she weighed less, though it'd only been a few days.

After a good cry, she pulled back, trying to wipe the tears, if even just a little. As her hands moved over her cheek, her right stung sharply. She hissed and looked down, remembering the cut down the length of her finger. The blood had dried there, and the blood was still stained into her shirt.

She knew she must have looked terrible, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. "I slept with someone else." She prayed to whatever god was out there that Tess wouldn't throw her out. She didn't know if she could take anymore after the pain she'd taken from Alec. If someone offered her a way out of these memories, she wasn't sure she'd pass it up.

Tess patted her friends back and held her close, letting her shoulder get soaked in tears. She wondered what went wrong, she sniffed her friend and realized that the cologne belonged to Alec. She inwardly cursed at whatever her brother did and knew she would rip him to shreds.

As her sobs lessened she pulled back and saw her friend looking so hurt. Her eyes immediately went to the cut and she cursed.

"Fuck Vic, you need to tell me that you're hurt!"

She grabbed her hand and dragged her to wash her hands. She then noticed pieces of glass and took one out wincing at the blood. She muttered a few things before walking to the counters and getting her first aid kit. Immediately she opened it and put cream on the cut before covering it.

"All better" she patting her hand.

As she put her things away, she heard her comment and gasped. She leaned against the cabinet and looked straight ahead eyes wide. She felt something in her feel pain, pain at the fact that this was over. Alec was the first thing in her mind, then anger. How could she do this?! Still she reigned it in and turned around to face her. It seemed that she was going through hell.

"Who?" she asked softly.

Victoria clenched her bandaged hand, not denying the delight she felt in the pain. Alec was right. She was a masochist, nothing more. But the physical pain made the emotional easier to bare.

She couldn't even meet Tess's eyes. Her friend had known it would end. But she'd thought it would be fault on the other end. She couldn't imagine how it felt to know her best friend had hurt her brother. Sighing, she closed her eyes. "It was Bronn."

Moving to the fridge, she grabbed out her bottle of firewhiskey, pouring some into a tumbler and taking a long drink. "I went to Wales to...I don't even know. But he was there. And he told me everything."

After another long drink, reveling in the spinning world, she continued. "They would have killed me, Tess. The Dark Ones. If he hadn't done it."

Tess had unwittingly copied the pose of her brother. She stared out of the window, staring at the light snow falling. This is how it ended. She was honestly hoping they were going to last, it gave her hope for...she wasn't going to think about it now. Her friend had broken something so great, she knew it had broken her brother because of their talk.

"How do you know if you're in love Tess?" he had asked her.

She closed her eyes and heard her friend. Victoria was like her sister and was there whenever she needed her. Now it was her turn to be tested and be there for her. Bronn. She felt herself break at the mention of her old 'friend'. She had always known that he was for Victoria, crafted perfectly for her, and for a time, she had held a flame, but immediately died out the moment that she saw him look at Victoria with so much love. She was never the girl and she accepted that with a smile.

But he had hurt Victoria and disappointed her. But now..now she knew he had done it to save Victoria and it changed things.

"Do you love him? Do you love him or my brother?" She asked softly.

Victoria shot back another glass, wiping at her mouth with her unbandaged hand. That was the million dollar question, wasn't it? She wanted to be honest with Tess.

"When I saw him, it all came back, Tess. You know he was my first love. And when I found out that he gave up everything for my freedom. My safety..." She shook her head, unable to fully comprehend what he'd done for her. It wasn't like she gave in to him just to repay him. But all those emotions she'd shed in one night came rushing back. It wasn't like they'd ever really had an end in their relationship. They'd just been ripped apart.

Swallowing, she looked her friend in the eyes. "But when I came back to reality...a part of me wanted to die, Tess. I wanted to run and keep on running so Alec never had to know. Merlin, I love him. And I just ripped his heart out." She fell into a chair and choked out a sob. "He's gone..."

Tess closed her eyes and let out a sigh as she heard the beginning. Back to the past, Merlin knows how easy that'd be. Who didn't want to go back to the romance of the yesteryear and relive the first everything for them. Victoria was always smitten with Bronn as had Bronn been with her. And Tess herself saw how they gravitated towards one another like magnets attracting and it fit.

She tried to understand, had Xander ever come back to her life and given her a reason for their break up, would she have gone back? She had loved him as Victoria had loved Bronn, and she had shared intimate secrets with him, given him her heart and him his. But no, she wouldn't have because that wasn't her anymore. She wasn't like her past anymore. Victoria was different, she was barely getting used to being without him.

"You wanted a piece of your past, and that ruined your present" she whispered.

She was mad, a part of her was mad and disappointed, but emotions weren't really tamed, at least some handled it better than others. She pulled her friend into a hug and cried with her. Alec was broken, she knew, Merlin she knew he would be throwing a fit because he had asked her.

"Right now...just think about yourself alright?" she cooed. "You won't try to see either okay?"

Victoria got her breathing under control. She hadn't wanted to make Tess cry. And, if she was honest, she was a little surprised. From what she'd thought, Tess would be kind of happy that they wouldn't be together anymore, though she expected her to hate how they would end.

Think about myself? She let out a dry laugh. "I've done enough of that! That's what's gotten me into this! Thinking of myself!!" She felt near hysterics. Tess was only trying to make her feel better, but nothing she could think of could mend this.

At her mention of not seeing either her brow furrowed with more tears. She pursed her lips, trying to keep them at bay. Hanging her head, she gave up. "Who would even want to see me? I left Bronn with no note. Nothing. And even if I saw him, I'd only hurt him. And Alec? He never wants to see me again." Destroy everything of mine and I'll do the same. She gripped his shirt over her heart, vowing never to wash it.

Feeling drained, she just wanted to go back to bed.

Tess shushed her and took off her hair band to attempt to make Victoria look a bit better. She sighed seeing how tired her friend look and wiped a few tears. She tugged her along to take a seat and pushed her down. She slid the plate towards her and frowned.

"Eat a bit please?" she asked.

She went to the fridge and grabbed her some juice, and a basket of strawberries for herself. She leaned against the counter at took a bite of one, trying to distract herself, and try not to say anything too rough to her.

"Look...Bronn was your first love, I was there...I know how hard it can be. I'm not justifying your actions, especially since it was against my brother, but the unattached part of me is trying to understand."

She didn't get how someone could love two people, but she tried to understand she really did because...Victoria had no one else and they had each other's backs through thick and thin.

"Do you really want my brother back? Are you sure?" she ask tentatively.

Victoria didn't argue when Tess sat her in front of food. It'd been days, so she ate slowly, afraid that it would come up if she ate too fast. Her stomach was already hurting from the unaccustomed food. But it was good to have the taste in her mouth.

She looked up at Tess and could have kissed her for her understanding. No one else in this world knew how it'd been with her and Bronn. And while no one would condone her actions, even herself, at least understanding where her feelings came from was a relief. "Thanks." That didn't even cover it.

At her question, Victoria's hand hesitated mid bite. If she said yes, what would Tess do? Only push Alec more? Cause him more pain? If she said no, she didn't know if she'd ever have another chance with him. With one word, she could dictate the outcome of something she thought was already decided.

She locked eyes with her best friend in the world, seeing new tears form. "I don't want to hurt him anymore."

Tess let out a small smile and took a bite of her strawberry. She was between a rock and a hard place. First of all she had to decide if friendship or blood came first, and she decided to be in the grey area. She loved Alec with all her heart, he had paid for her education when he didn't believe in her just because he didn't want to see her in a shitty flat. And despite there arguments and their differences in lifestyles she loved him. She had to and part of her wanted to.

Then came Victoria; she loved her too. She was her best friend, always there when she needed her and fiercely loyal, to a point of protecting her when people tried to take advantage of her good nature. She always knew what was right, and never purposely hurt someone, that's why she wasn't mad. Love...she was a sucker for love. To Tess, love was something beautiful and frightening, and knowing Bronn and Victoria, it was a strong love, at least in the past. So she couldn't yell at her though the part of her thinking about blood loyalties was mad.

"Anytime dear" she said softly.

Looking at the basket of strawberries she was debating whether or not to tell her this, but looking at her so broken, and not changing from Alec's clothing just go to her.

"I know he loves you!" she blurted out nearly choking on a strawberry.

Victoria could see the debate in Tess's eyes. She hated to put her in this position. She'd always wanted Tess to have a good relationship with her brother, even when she really didn't know Alec. She'd seen the pain of the strained relationship through the years.

She had been about to take a drink of her juice when Tess blirted out her statement. Startled, her thumb relaxed, spilling some down her front. She moved quickly to grab napkins to dry it, shedding new tears. If she couldn't have Alec, she needed this shirt! Needed something. But she couldn't even keep that clean...she groaned inwardly. Whore.

How could Tess say that, with everything he'd said last night. She shook her head forcefully. "You didn't see him last night. I...He just....It was bad." As hurt as she was by his words, she didn't want to tarnish Tess's view of him. He was still a good man.

Tess tried to get a hold of herself and winced at her stupidity. She was shit at keeping secret, that was just how she was, she got nervous, blushed, sweated and every singled damn sign in the book that she was lying or holding something back. She sighed rubbing her forehead before getting a new cloths and wiping the mess. She hated messes of all kind.

Victoria's comment made her shiver. She knew how heartless Alec could be when he needed to be. She looked at her friend and took a deep breath.

"Rule One: A Black never lets someone have the upper hand. If physical abuse is not appropriate go for the jugular with your words. You will learn that in the real word, your words make you either a success or a failure" she recited out of memory.

She had learned these growing up alongside Alec who had a better grasp than she did. She remembered them as well, and it hurt sometimes knowing that sometimes they were right. She felt the need to explain it to Victoria.

"He was hurting you on purpose to distract him from pain. Anger is the easiest solution you know....and he's a true Black" she chuckled bitterly. "He can be a heartless bastard when he's hurt, trust me, his trust is something you never break."

She didn't even know how she still had him believing in her and trusting her when she was nothing but a brat with him sometimes. She often times went to the jugular during their arguments.

"He had asked me, while you were on your... trip for coffee. He had actually asked me out and we sat amicably and when we got to the subject of you he asked how to know when someone's in love." she took in a shaky breath. "He asked me what it was like."

At Tess's admission or Black rule number one, she nodded slowly. That sounded about right in line with what had happened. It wasn't just anger that she'd hurt. His words were perfectly crafted to cut her to the bone. He knew just how to strike and where.

She took a tentative sip of her juice this time, not wanting to spill anything. "Yeah. I see that now." If it had been any other day, she would have tried joking about it. But not today.

Finishing her food, she pushed the plate away, focusing on her hands. She wished she'd never went to Wales. She may have still hurt from Bronn's betrayal, but she was getting over that, even without knowing the real cause. This? She didn't know how to live with what she'd done. But she knew Alec wouldn't take her back just like that.

She sighed. "I love him, Tess. With everything that I have. I just don't think I'm good enough for him anymore."

Tess rolled her eyes and picked up the plate. She took advantage of her being forced to face the other way to let her distress show. She was mad, raging mad at how the both of them had hurt one another. Her hands were shaking a bit, but she let the water run trying to soothe her.

Being tough was hard, and being tough for two people was even harder. She washed the plate letting her mind run at the comment. A vicious part of her agreed, yes she wasn't good enough for Alec. Because trust and loyalty was a big institution in a relationship for her AND her family. But here she was biting her tongue.

"All I need to know is if you could...would you go back to see Bronn?" she asked softly.

Victoria closed her eyes and let her head fall into her hands. Would she? Could she honestly say that no part of her wanted to run back to him? To be held, and loved the way she used to? No. And that's what scared her. A part of her, the coward part, wanted to take the easier path. To choose a relationship that has already went through it's growing pains. To choose a man that has already shown how much he loves her.

But in truth, she'd already reconciled with losing him once. And she'd lived. Alec had helped her do that. He'd done so without asking for a physical relationship. He'd done so, above all of his usual instincts. He'd done it...because he loved her.

She couldn't lie to Tess. "I've already messed things up royally. I know how I feel about Alec, but...I don't trust myself anymore." Her voice cracked and she clenched her jaw. "But Bronn risked a lot to tell me. And more to do what he did. He deserves to know that I won't be coming back."

That was another conversation she wasn't looking forward to. She'd never broken something off with a guy before. Maybe that was why she was so emotional now. No. It was because she did love Alec, more than she'd even realized before.

Tess expression hardened and she lowered her gaze towards the strawberries. The silence spoke more than her words. In all honesty she never expected Victoria to return to Bronn. In her eyes, it wasn't possible to love two people but knowing the background she tried to understand.

Raising her brow, she wiped the table trying to get herself to do something, and she sighed.

"Are you choosing my brother because he is the easiest choice, or because he's the right choice?" she asked her.

She needed to know this because she was actually wondering how to fix things. It surprised her that she wanted to hold onto whatever remnants they had and try to fix it, simply because they looked miserable without each other. She could only imagine what her brother was dealing with now.

"You don't trust your feelings for Alec, or that you can't trust yourself because of your feelings for Bronn?"

Victoria groaned inwardly. She loved Tess like her sister, but it was hard for her to be so open, so vulnerable. She was genuinely an open person, but this? This was a new level for her. There was no right answer here.

She watched Tess move around aimlessly, knowing she just wanted to keep moving. "Alec isn't the easy choice, Tess. I could just walk away from all of this and pick up where Bronn and I left off. He is the easy choice. The one that's already proven his love, the one with years of foundation." She sighed. "But there is no right here."

Feeling like a ball on nerve endings, waiting to snap, she propped her foot up on the stool and hugged her leg tight. "I don't trust myself around Bronn. I don't want what happened to happen again. Or anything like it." She couldn't help the shudder that ran through her. Oh yes, it would be easy to fall back in love with him. With his touch, with his easy smile. "I can't risk hurting Alec even more, even if he doesn't forgive me."

She knew that sounded stupid, but she couldn't bare to just run back to Bronn because Alec threw her away like the garbage she was. It would just tarnish her feelings for Alec even more, to risk it.

Tess frowned and placed the clean plates on the rack letting them dry. She wanted to tell her that Alec was the best choice, he was smart, good looking and successful. She had pride in her brother, in a way, because despite it all, he was a good man. He was quite different than Bronn as well. Bronn was more sensitive, always vocal about his feelings and rarely had shame in his declarations. Ironic how he turned out to be the bad choice in this situation.

"You're right, there is no right choice. Because in all honesty, you don't have a choice anymore" she said bluntly.

It was rare for her to be so honest, but in reality she was just frustrated at this unneeded stress for every part involved. She didn't want to be rude, after all she knew Alec did his fair share to hurt Victoria and rip her to shreds.

"I am not going to lie, I'm disappointed...but what's done is done, and now we live with the actions that we have chosen."

Victoria felt numb, like all the emotion had been drained out of her. Tess, was right. She didn't really have a choice. She couldn't go back with Bronn. The fear of the Dark Ones was a small fear, compared to fulling giving up on Alec. If she did that, all his fears would be right. He'd be right about her.

But he was right! She'd walked right back into Bronn's arms like he hadn't been the source of so much pain over the last few months. She simply nodded at Tess's assessment. Her heart twinged slightly at her disappointment. Her heart had felt more emotions in the past week than she was capable of dealing with.

She wiped her tears away with her sleeve, sure that they were gone for now. She stood swallowing the bitter taste of regret. "I think I should stay at Hogwarts for a while."

She didn't want to leave Tess, the only person that loved her unconditionally, but she needed to do this. She needed time to think about to deal with what she'd done.

Tess handed her a napkin to wipe her tears. She meant it, she was disappointed, but there was nothing to do. They had made their choices, and all of them were bad, and now once more she was forced to now fix everything. The problem was that now he had to deal with the aftermath of their choices.

She didn't want to hear her cry, it hurt her, but in all reality she had to live with it. She winced at her suggestion and took in a sharp breath.

"If you need some alone time, I understand" she whispered softly. "just know that my door is always open to yous ready and I'm always ready to listen."

She smiled softly and shook her head.

Victoria tried to smile at her best friend. She knew Tess wasn't happy with her. In fact, she was surprised she was even speaking to her. She moved to her, hugging her tightly. After three years apart. After all the pain she'd put her through with the relationship with Alec, good and bad. Tess was there.

"Thank you," was all she could think to say. She wouldn't be gone for good. Just...around here less. Lately she'd been staying at the flat over night, just going to the school for work. Now? She'd dorm there like she had when they were students. Maybe the change would help her think clearly. Find herself again. Who knew?

When she walked into her room, she started going through her things, finding what she would want to take with her. She reluctantly pulled off her borrowed clothes to change into something less....emotional. Taking one last deep breath of the shirt, she tucked it into a hidden pocket in her bag. She wasn't letting go of him. Not now...not ever.